A Defining Moment

A defining moment is, as the term infers, an event of such importance in your life, that it literally defines or re-defines who you are and what you stand for!

Such a moment or event can be looked at as a fundamental milestone in your development as it causes you to change your attitude or outlook and has the capacity to propel your life in a new direction.

It was surprisingly late in life when I first came to terms with the idea of a defining moment.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.”

– Albert Einstein

Entrepreneurs and defining moments

I was at University in the midst of a postgraduate MBA at the time.

In the third term, we were invited to choose from a number of elective courses to supplement the mainstream studies. More out of curiosity than necessity at that point, I chose Small Business Entrepreneurship. The course was led by a rather off-the-wall man who happened to be the founder of Capital Radio in South Africa and whose name, sadly, now escapes me but I’ll call him Alan.

In one of the first of his lectures, Alan shared his view that business entrepreneurs either start out as entrepreneurs or they become entrepreneurs after experiencing a ‘defining moment’ during employment.

I still recall him turning on his heels to face the class of thirty or so and ask enquiringly: 

“Now, be honest with me. How many of you have experienced just such a defining moment?”

With more than a little embarrassment, I opened my mouth and asked if he could explain what was meant by a defining moment!

Cathartic events

I was pleased I did because it set off a fascinating discussion during which many of my fellow students were to share their own examples. I was intrigued and compelled to look back at my own life and try and identify some of the more cathartic events or experiences that had shaped me and my life up until that point.

I loved the experience of identifying the key milestones, cross roads and decision points in my life. Suddenly my life journey seemed more fascinating, meaningful and worthwhile – and so much less random and confusing.

Good, bad and everything in between

It’s important to recognise that defining moments can range from being wonderfully positive experiences to downright awful, traumatic events and all the shades in between. Some defining moments can be events that seem trivial in nature until you realise the profound impact that they had on your thinking and on the course you would then embark on through life.

Before I share with you one of my own defining moments let me provide a little context that may help bring more clarity to the subject.

Intersections along the route

Throughout life each of us is presented with an almost limitless range of possibilities – alternative potential life routes, if you like.

Using the route analogy, defining moments can be equated with major intersections along the route we have chosen. Each requires a choice to be made and the sum of our ‘route’ choices result in what I call a ‘rich tapestry’ of experiences that help to define who we are, what we believe in and the type of people we become.

Some of us, more fearful of change, will opt, wherever possible, to stick to the route we feel familiar with and deviate only if we are forced to. The more adventurous among us will step off the beaten path onto routes that harbour even bigger opportunities, even more daunting challenges and even greater growth prospects.

One of my defining moments

My example of a defining moment is certainly no earth shattering event, but as I look back I realise how instrumental it was in getting me to where I am now.

After qualifying as a civil engineer more years ago than I prefer to let on, I joined a large construction company and got involved in a number of diverse construction projects. After a few years I found myself on a prestige contract as part of a young inexperienced team tasked with using what was then a revolutionary bridge building technique imported from Germany.

Our team’s culture could be described as ‘work hard, play hard’. We certainly worked some crazy hours but when the occasional opportunities arose, we partied like there would be no tomorrow!

As the engineer responsible for pre-stressing operations, my role was a pivotal one, as the rest of the bridge construction was dependent on the work that my team had to complete each week. When we encountered unexpected problems, there were no other options than to work longer hours to resolve the issues, or risk delaying the whole project.

One night, I found myself wrestling with an almost intractable construction problem caused by over-design. My team was faced with a massive tangle of reinforcing and pre-stressing steel that, if not resolved, would delay the scheduled pouring of concrete the next day.

Needing some relief from many hours of bending over the said mess, I stood upright, took a deep breath and stared up at the pitch black night sky that was framed by a ring of powerful spotlights illuminating huge sheets of driving rain from a severe thunderstorm. It hit me that I had been only vaguely aware of the rain up until that point, so immersed had I been in the problem that we had been faced with.

I looked down at my watch and another realisation struck me. I had been working non-stop for almost 48 hours. As I slowly came to my senses, I suddenly became aware of an intense feeling of tiredness and I began to shiver as I became aware of the cold and wet. It dawned on me that even my ‘rainproof’ gumboots were totally waterlogged!

As my mind wandered from its task – and the craziness of my situation set in, I found myself feeling strangely serene … and I began to reflect on, and take stock of, who I was and what I did and didn’t want from my life.

This was a defining moment in my life.

The very next day I took a critical decision to set in motion a chain of events that was to culminate in leaving the construction industry for good and embarking on full time study towards an MBA and what I had decided would be a more people-oriented career.

My life was about to take a dramatic and exciting new turn.

How about you?

As you look back on your life, what do you believe were some of your defining moments? What critical decisions did you take? How did those moments – and the decisions you took – shape your life? What might you do differently if you had another chance?

I’d love you to share your thoughts and/or comments below.

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