The Social Media Conundrum

A turn of the century development

The first website recognisable as social media was developed in 1997. The activity called blogging started shortly after, in 1999. This was to be the catalyst for the explosive growth of social media, with well known sites like LinkedIn and MySpace starting up in the early 2000s.

Young people coming of age today have never known a time without social media. My guess is they would be likely to view the phenomenon as an absolute necessity for reasons of connectivity and communication but also as a frighteningly easy source of bullying and shaming amongst their peers.

For those significantly longer in the tooth like myself, social media is a recent phenomenon, which is likely to be viewed with a curious mixture of fascination and disdain!

My bright, shiny hat

As I put on my bright shiny hat, I feel excited about the fact that social media has done amazing things for personal interconnectivity, education and the building of communities.

Facebook, for example, has enabled me to connect with friends and family members around the world that I had previously lost touch with.

I’ve also found it really useful when it comes to the sourcing and selling of local products and services.

Nowadays, it is, of course, a powerful way to promote one’s business. But in this case you could argue that this is neither a blessing nor a curse. It is simply an alternative new channel of promotion that has opened up in the digital world as more traditional channels have become obsolete.

My dull grey hat

Now, as I don my dull grey hat, I feel consumed with worry about the darker side of social media and its effect on general mental health and wellbeing.

I’ve mentioned cyber bullying and the awful effects that can have on young people. I don’t want to dismiss that but I do want to focus on the somewhat lower profile threat that social media poses to people of all ages.

That threat is addiction to the technology. This addiction is fuelled by the need for external validation and it results in increasing isolation from society, or the ‘real world’ as my generation would probably refer to it.

Validation from within – or without?

In life coaching we make a strong case for the value of self-validation, or looking inwards for validation.

This comes from having a strong sense of self awareness and an appreciation of one’s own inner power to create the life one desires. It also comes from knowing the importance of taking full personal responsibility for the choices we make and the outcomes that result therefrom.

Social media, through the use of ‘likes’, thumbs up emojis and so on, promotes the concept and importance of external validation, or, in simple language, the need to have someone else show you appreciation.

‘Sugary snacks’ dependency

Because cellphone technology is so ubiquitous, we all hold, in the very palms or our hands, a quick and convenient means to access the little ego ‘kicks’ that come with the validation that we get from others.

In contrast with self validation, which promotes a sustained feeling of inner peace and happiness, the ‘kicks’ delivered by external validation are short-lived, leaving one wanting more and – like sugary snacks – easily building dependency.

FOMO

They also build subconscious feelings of indebtedness and what has become known as FOMO, something I feel certain the psychologists working in marketing at the big tech companies, know only too well how to exploit.

For example, if you like something I post, I feel duty bound to like something you post (or at very least not to give it a thumbs down).

So we enter into something of a mutual appreciation society. If, as my ‘friend’ you become a prolific poster, attracting numerous likes from me and others, FOMO kicks in and, to try and keep up, I feel compelled to up my own rate of posting.

The validation spiral

When I see social media friends getting validated for their personal beauty, intelligence, material possessions or exotic nature of the destinations they are privileged to visit, I feel compelled to step up my own game and find creative ways to increase my own validation levels.

I enter into a kind of competitive ‘validation spiral’. The more difficult it becomes to keep up, the more likely my ego is to consider the tactic of subtle invalidation of others as a ploy to try and level the playing fields.

Mmm …

Outsourcing control of emotions

People caught up in the ‘validation game’ that I have described above can be prone to dramatic mood swings – from feeling elated one moment to feeling depressed the next. The reason is that they have effectively outsourced the control of their own emotions to others in their social media communities.

Validation addicts can easily fall prey to confusing the digital world for the real world. They become increasingly immersed in their digital devices and more isolated from the physical world in which they exist.

They are tricked into allowing their perceptions to prioritise the bland, one dimensional digital virtual reality, over the vibrant three dimensional reality of the world around them.

My twin hats

I’m going to wrap up this post by wearing both of my hats side by side. I invite you to imagine the scene!

Social media can bring many benefits and can certainly enhance the amazing life that’s accessible to us if we have the maturity to use it as a means to improve our communication and connectivity with – and understanding of – others.

However, it needs to be kept in the proper perspective if it is not to turn into an obsessive addiction and become an ego-driven end in itself.

The need to take responsibility

We need to be responsible in our use of social media. We owe it to ourselves to ensure that our motives are both sincere and empowering. We also owe it to others to be ethical, thoughtful and non judgemental in our interactions.

Above all, we need to exercise conscious control over what can be a life enhancing tool, if used correctly. The minute we allow that tool to take control of our lives then we have fallen into a trap from which escape is both difficult and painful.