The Seven Stages of Life

In one of his writings, to do with the concept of life purpose, Dyer describes four generic stages of life that we pass through, using the analogy of an ‘athlete’, a ‘warrior’, a ‘statesman’ and ‘spirit’ to describe these.

I found Dyer’s four stage discussion intriguing.

Human nature is such that we tend to become totally immersed in the stage of life that we find ourselves in. Most of us fail to step back and ask why and whether we might be better served by trying to embrace a more concurrent, multi-stage approach to life.

As I reflected on this, I felt it would be helpful to refine the idea of life stages. And in attempting to do so, I came up with seven that I have named and that I am excited to share with you here:

Stage 1: The Explorer

From the time we arrive in this world until, perhaps, the onset of puberty and the start of the transition to adulthood, we are in a state of constant exploration.

Being relatively new to the world, we are consumed by the need to explore and experience the many sights, sounds, tastes and smells that are on offer to our sponge-like minds.

Each of us enters the world with a completely open mind but one that is particularly receptive to programming from our parents, carers, family, educators and the like.

This is a time during which we are exposed to thoughts, ideas and constructs that will play a big role in the development of the belief and value systems we choose to adopt later in life.

Stage 2: The Chameleon

At the start of the teenage years, or as they approach them, young people enter into the stage I call The Chameleon, because they feel an overwheming need to ‘fit in’ with their peers. In this stage, they assign greater importance to the views and opinions of their peers than they do to those of their parents, caregivers and educators.

Although they will go to quite extraordinary lengths to be seen to be ‘fitting in’ with their peers, this is a stage of life when they are preparing the groundwork to become independent young adults. So, their relationships with parents and/or carers can get quite fraught.

Stage 3: The Contrarian

Young adults may experience intense pressure, both academically and socially at this stage as they contemplate the start of their new lives and careers as independent adults.

The intense need to ‘fit in’ with friends and peers morphs into a desire to prove their significance and worth as they transcend the final years of formative education and navigate tertiary education, or the first years of their working lives.

For many, this stage involves trying to set themselves apart by rebelling against the system, or taking a contrarian approach to life and the world in general.

Stage 4: The Self-Absorbed

Inevitably, as time goes on, the realisation sets in that the Contrarian is part of a larger world in which they need to survive and try to prosper in the longer run. A rebellious approach is not helpful in providing a roof over one’s head or helping to pay the bills.

As a young independent adult the world can seem rigid, unfair and inhospitable and many will turn their attention to working out how to get the most out of it for themselves.

This is a stage marked by relative self-centredness and a determination to prove one’s ability to use the system to beat the system.

The Self Absorbed feel compelled to demonstrate their ability by showing off their possessions and projecting a seemingly lavish, happy-go-lucky lifestyle.

Stage 5: The Hamster

Most people reach a stage in their working lives where they resign themselves to the fact that, just like everyone else, they are part of a system that is far bigger than any one human being.

The ‘its all about me’ focus that characterises the Self Centred stage, gives way to a more benign approach to the world and a realisation that most of us find ourselves in the same or similar boat, trying not to capsize in the great ocean of life.

In this stage, we come to accept the system for what it is, keep our heads down and keep running on the treadmill of life in the hope that the energy we expend may somehow be rewarded with a better life in the future.

Stage 6: The Questioner

There comes a stage in life where most people start to question what it’s really all about and whether there is a better way to approach it.

Questioners start to reflect on the Hamster stage, sometimes with confusion, often with disillusionment and regret, and occasionally with relief that they have finally seen it for what it is and can start to make changes.

This is an intensely reflective stage that most enter in their mid to later lives. It often comes with a desire for more personal and spiritual growth, a diminished sense of the importance of self, and a heightened awareness of the importance and wellbeing of those close to them.

Stage 7: The Purposeful

The introspective stage of the Questioner often culminates in what could be called a more spiritual quest, characterised by the desire to find authentic purpose and meaning.

In the Purposeful stage we gain more of a helicopter-like view on life. We begin to appreciate the folly of the Self Absorbed and Hamster stages and how we mortgaged our lives to the so-called system.

We come to realise that a meaningful life is a life of purpose and a life of purpose is a life of service to others, whether that be in the form of educating, informing, caring, entertaining, inspiring, or something other.

Fast Track

In presenting these seven generic stages of life for your consideration, my aim is to help fast track your leap into The Purposeful stage.

There is no rule about the age at which you qualify to enter this stage.

That is the whole point!

Our world would be infinitely better if our education systems were adapted to teach the value of knowing your life purpose and of living a life in service to others.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone would find themselves pursuing entirely different careers but it would help people put their careers and life’s work into the proper context.

In that way life would become all the more compelling, meaningful and joyous … from a much earlier age!