The Meaning of Life in Life Coaching

The coffee shop gossip

I was in the local mall enjoying my favourite cappuccino and minding my own business when a rather loud conversation between two 40-something ladies at a nearby table made my ears prick up.

“She was recommended to me as a life coach but, with all respect, she lives down in the valley in a pretty run-down house and drives a car that must be 20 years old if it is a day. That’s hardly the epitome of success. Frankly, I can’t imagine what she would be able to teach me about life.”

Catching up with an old friend

I hadn’t seen Zach in thirty years. He found me on social media and called me to arrange lunch together.

We had great fun catching up and, as it inevitably does, the conversation turned to what we had been doing since we last met.

At my mention of involvement in life coaching, Zach politely demonstrated his naivety:

“Oh, I can imagine you as a great mentor. I’ve been thinking of getting into it myself. At our age, we can draw on plenty of life experience.”

Upon reflection

As I later reflected on how way off the mark both Zach and the coffee shop lady were in their understanding of life coaching, it once again struck me how unhelpful the term ‘life coaching’ is in describing what it really is.

What’s in a name?

Many moons ago I qualified as a civil engineer. Though studying maths, applied maths and physics in first year was mandatory for all aspirant engineers, that in no way made me proficient in mechanical, chemical or electrical engineering. Far from it, in fact.

But I can’t count the number of times I was called on by friends to look at a car that wouldn’t start, diagnose a stubbornly green pool, or connect up a new plugpoint in their home.

Somehow, the term ‘engineer’ implied to others that I was a jack of all trades involving the use of my hands. I was most definitely not!

Similarly, people dissect the term ‘life coach’ and assume it to mean someone who teaches or mentors others on how to live their lives.

The truth is that life coaching (if it’s conducted the way it was always intended) involves neither teaching—nor the provision of greater personal wisdom and experience—to guide others.

Not teaching

Many teachers have graduated from the New Insights Life Coach Training. They are generally wonderful people with that admirable trait of being passionate about working with people. But, as life coaches, they quickly find they have to suppress their tendency to teach.

Not mentoring

Likewise, many amazing people with rich life experience have graduated from New Insights, but they find they have to learn to rein in their natural inclination to offer advice from their own lives.

Not counselling

Life coaches are not teachers, mentors or advisers. Neither are they counsellors.

A ‘personal empowerment facilitator’

Perhaps the best way to think of a life coach is as a personal empowerment facilitator.

Life coaches are deeply passionate about helping others to help themselves.

They have an in-depth knowledge of how the mind works and how personal beliefs, values, rules and mental maps are formed.

They are skilled at helping clients apply a range of simple yet powerful tools and techniques to break down self-limiting thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours.

And they are masters at helping facilitate growth and development from within.

I like to describe life coaches as ‘Agents for Authentic Change’.

‘Agents’ because they act in a semi-passive, facilitatory role.

And ‘Authentic’ because the change they promote is not that which the coach advocates, but rather that which the client comes to recognise they genuinely desire.

The meaning of life in life coaching

Let me summarise by revisiting the true meaning of life in life coaching.

It is NOT about life as others perceive it should be, or life as others would have you believe is right for you, or life as others believe it should be lived.

It IS about the life that resonates with your heart. The life you love to live. The life that involves pursuing your unique purpose. The life that is uniquely suited to you!