5 Tips for Avoiding Miscommunication (and why it should come as no surprise!)

A vitally important bearing on relationships

Put simply, the way in which we communicate has a vitally important bearing on our relationships—business, social, and/or romantic.

And, the nature of those relationships is a key determinant of how motivated, happy and content we feel.

That creates a compelling case for spending quality time getting to understand what makes for effective communication, and trying to unravel the cause of miscommunication.

The process of communication

The first thing to appreciate is that the process of communication is anything other than simple.

Fundamentally, communication involves a transfer, or exchange of information. But that simple description masks surprising complexity.

Who is the initiator (or sender) of the message? What is their true intent? How have they chosen to convey the message? What response are they expecting or hoping for? Who is the message aimed at (the receiver)?

Tricky little concept

Answering those questions reveals just half the story. That’s because it fails to take into account a fascinating, yet tricky little concept called ‘projection’.

If you look up the meaning of projection, you’ll find that psychologists use the term to describe the behaviour of people who conveniently seek to blame others for their own disliked attributes.

At New Insights, we prefer to take a broader view.

We are all unique individuals. We started out that way—as you know, no two people have the same fingerprints—and that continued throughout our development.

We have each been exposed to different environments, nurturing, upbringing and education. Each of us can look back at exposure to a unique tapestry of life experiences and events, along with learnings from the outcomes that arose from the choices we made in response.

Along the way, we developed a set of personal beliefs, values and rules that now guide and shape the way we live.

Projecting one’s mental map

All in all, one could say that each of us has formed a unique mental construct about the world around us and how it works. Some like to call this a ‘worldview’. At New Insights, we like to refer to it as a ‘mental map’.

So, when we communicate with others, we do so—wittingly or unwittingly—from the perspective of our very own unique mental map.

Put another way, in communicating with others, we project our mental map of the world on to them …

… And vice versa!

Let’s pause for a moment and reflect:

Given all of this, is it really any wonder that miscommunication between individuals is so prevalent?

Distorting influences

In our Life Coach Training Programme, we delve into greater detail about how personal beliefs, values and rules also act as filters when receiving communication.

Put simply, a message authentically intended to convey X may, through filtering, be distorted to convey Y instead.

I hope you are getting the idea that every communication is subject to a litany of potentially distorting influences.

And we haven’t even touched on the more obvious influences, such as language and cultural differences, missing context and symbolism inherent in short-form (text) messages and the temporary mood of sender and/or receiver!

The communication minefield

In unravelling the mystery of miscommunication, we have exposed the minefield that awaits us each time we communicate anything of importance.

So, if miscommunication is no longer such a surprise, what can be done to try to prevent it?

Five tips to avoid (or minimise) miscommunication

Here are five simple tips that will help you avoid miscommunication and start the journey towards becoming a masterful communicator:

1. Practice tolerance

Appreciate that the person you are communicating with has their own unique mental map. Acknowledge that by showing tolerance and patience. Better still, try to put yourself in their shoes.

2. Know your true intent

Make it a habit to ask yourself—and answer—a question, before sending an important message: “What is my authentic intent.”

Doing so will help you double-check your language, the tone, and clarity of your communication.

3. Tailor the medium to match the importance

Never make the mistake of using text messages or short emails to convey messages that are important and/or where the potential for miscommunication is high.

Choose a medium that allows you to offer context, use the right tone, enter into discussion, and check for understanding.

4. Check understanding

For a communication to be effective, the receiver needs to interpret its meaning exactly as you intended it.

There’s no better way to determine if this is the case than by asking.

5. Apply the 20-minute rule

When you receive a message that upsets you, and you feel the need to react instantly, don’t!

Remember that you have filtered the message through your own mental map. You may well be reading or hearing something that the sender did not intend.

Any swift reaction may exacerbate an unintended miscommunication or create a problem that did not even exist in the first place.

Take 20 minutes to cool down. Better still, sleep on it, if practical. Then commit to using the most appropriate medium to test your understanding of what had been communicated before you go ahead and respond.

I wish you everything of the best with your quest to avoid miscommunication in future.

Towards a better world

Better communication is within the grasp of all of us.

And with better communication comes a better world!