Building Rapport

Building rapport with others is a fundamental skill required by anyone wishing to develop more effective and beneficial relationships.

And that pretty much means all of us!

Of course, this skill is a foundation requirement for any would-be life coach. After all, how can you help someone to be the best they can be if you struggle to build an open, caring and trusting relationship with them?

Rapport is a word that derives from the French word rapporter (which means to bring – or report – back). The ’t’ is therefore silent, with the word being pronounced ra-pawr.

At New Insights we place a heavy emphasis on the skill of building rapport in our coach training. On the face of it, it might seem to be a rather simple skill to master but in truth that’s not necessarily the case.

[box type=\”shadow\”]\”When you build trust, trust follows you.\”

– Costas Voyatzis
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Rapport Building (continued)

 

Ducks and dark arts

Some people take to building rapport like ducks to water. It comes naturally to them.

In other people, their egos would have them believe they are great rapport builders when actually all they are good at is talking about themselves.

Then there are others for whom the skill could just as well be a dark and mysterious art!

Resonance or repulsion?

Think for a minute about some of the people you have met recently.

No doubt there are those who you feel instinctively drawn to, those who you’re not too sure about or need more time to get to know, and others to whom you may have taken an instant dislike (for reasons that may or may not be that clear to you).

The saying ‘being on the same wavelength’ is often used to describe relationships in which a natural rapport exists.

Good vibrations

When all said and done we humans are simply energy forms. In fact the entire Universe is made up of energy that vibrates at different frequencies.

It is any wonder then that when two people, or energy bodies, vibrate at a similar frequency (or when they share the same wavelength) their energies tend to complement, attract and feed each other?

So, authentic rapport between two people happens when they share the same vibrational frequency band. It follows, then, that the secret to building rapport with someone lies in being able to match the frequency of their vibration.

A more commonly understandable approach

This may sound a little perplexing to anyone who struggles with the idea that we are all vibrational energies, so let’s move away from the esoteric and focus on a more commonly understandable approach to rapport building.

In my opinion great rapport builders are those who hold a non self-centric view of the world.

Let me explain with an analogy …

An evolution in thinking

In the 4th century BCE it was generally assumed that a stationary Earth formed the centre of the Universe and that the planets, sun and stars all revolved around the Earth.

As humans evolved along with their astronomy and science, this model was revised to put the sun at the centre of the Universe with all the other bodies, including the Earth, orbiting around it.

Today we know that neither the Earth nor the sun forms the centre of the Universe. In fact, given what we now know, there probably is no such thing as the centre of the Universe.

Scary yet exciting

This new realisation is both scary (because we are not nearly as important or significant as we may have originally thought) and profoundly exciting (because we have to accept that there is so much more to our Universe than meets the eye).

Relate that analogy back to the way in which people perceive of themselves in relation to others and the world around them.

Self centric vs Interdependent

Many people hold a self centric view of the world. In other words, they believe that everything revolves around them and, at the end of the day, they are all that really matters in this life.

To these people, building rapport seems wholly dependent on the degree to which they can get others to accept and embrace their opinions and perspectives. These people can be big talkers, sometimes persuasive talkers, who often lack tolerance for opposing viewpoints or those who are very different from them.

Then there are the more evolved folk who realise that they are but one ‘actor’ in a ‘play’ with a vast ‘cast’. Every person, though unique and with a vital yet different role to play in the world, is interconnected and interdependent.

These people hold the potential to be master rapport builders for they understand that each person’s perspective on life will differ, depending on their upbringing, education, experiences and creative thinking. They welcome that and practice tolerance and understanding in their dealings with others.

Wearing others\’ shoes

And so it is that the secret to effective rapport building lies in the ability to ‘wear the shoes of others’ or in trying to understand and appreciate (without necessarily feeling the need to adopt) the perspective of those you communicate with.

Questioning and listening

It is often said that we were born with two ears and one mouth and that we should learn to use them in that proportion!

Masters of the art of rapport building know that the best way to understand and appreciate the perspective that others hold is by asking concise questions and listening attentively to the answers – thereby showing a genuine interest in who they are and what makes them tick.

It may come as a surprise to those who view rapport building and mothers-in-law as incompatible subjects but I regard my own mother-in-law as an excellent rapport builder.

Unlike the much joked about stereotype who would see it as her duty to take every opportunity to inform her son-in-law how to act and behave, mine spends much of her time with me asking questions about what makes me tick and listening with real interest to what I have to say.

The opportunity to share a little about myself with someone who really seems interested to know more about me builds a warm, trusting appreciation in me. It leaves me wanting to know more about her which, in turn, brings mutual respect and understanding to the relationship.

A win-win

By learning to become a master of building rapport you can develop all manner of private, social and business relationships to a whole new level where both you, and the parties you interact with, derive far more from your relationships.

And that’s what I call a ‘win-win’!

 

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