The Comparison Trap

We are all totally unique individuals.

Even though more than seven billion of us coexist on the planet, no two people are identical. And even if it were possible to create two genetically identical human beings, they would develop unique characters in response to the unique environment, upbringing and events that they would be exposed to throughout their lives.

You might think that because of this, we humans would relish our unique identities and life tracks and be not only tolerant but appreciative and graciously admiring of the paths and achievements of others.

And yet, we humans are prone to a condition that clouds our thinking, detracts from our vitality and saps our ability to enjoy the uniqueness of our own lives.

That condition is envy or jealousy.

[box type=\”shadow\”]“Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self.”

– Iyanla Vanzandt[/box]

 

The Comparison Trap (continued)

 

Desiring what others have

We’ve all experienced it at some time or other in our lives …that feeling of resentfulness or discontent brought on by a desire to have what others have.

Most self-aware people are adept at managing the emotion of envy, accepting it for what it is, deflecting it and moving on. They know that in small doses, when channeled correctly, envy can even spur us on to achieve that which we might otherwise have not.

Problems arise when we allow envy or jealousy to take over our lives and we find ourselves in a constant state of desiring the possessions, qualities or lifestyle of others, to the point where we lose focus on – and find it impossible to feel gratitude for – who we are and what we have.

Constant comparison with others

One common symptom of this problem manifesting in our lives is constant comparison with others.

At this point, I am reminded of my corporate days and two enterprising and energetic young men who reported to me as part of a divisional marketing team. Both had caught my eye and impressed with their intelligence and can-do (albeit somewhat headstrong) attitudes. With proper management of their careers I felt they could both be destined for greater things and I resolved to try my best to help them rise to their full potential.

Though the two shared many character traits conducive to rapid career progression, one of them (I’ll call him Kevin) was to fall prey to the ‘comparison trap’.

Instead of concentrating on his own career and perhaps even forming a mutually beneficial alliance with the other young buck, Kevin soon found himself in a state of constant comparison with his colleague. As time went on, the comparison became more obsessive and more ugly and ultimately, when his colleague was to land a good promotion, Kevin chose to take this as a personal offront … even though the job to which his colleague was promoted was not ideally suited to Kevin’s own skills and experience.

Instead of seeing his colleague’s promotion as a positive sign and a likely pointer to his own career progression, Kevin allowed envy and jealousy to control him and bring about something of a personal meltdown which, ironically, was to cause irreparable harm to his career.

Falling into the comparison trap

It is easy to fall into the comparison trap just as Kevin did. Nowadays, wherever you look there are other individuals who seemingly have more … more money, more possessions, more attractive bodies, more friends, more loving partners, more marketable careers, more holidays … you name it.

But although we naturally tend to focus on those who appear to have more of what we would like, we typically pay short shrift to those who have less of what we envy. And there are always just as many, if not a lot more of these people.

If only we would look for it, we would find that there is perfect balance in our lives. Just like others, we have everything we need to be the people we truly desire to be at a deep level.

This implies that the desire for more of what others have (in other words external things) is superficial, whereas the deep desire for meaning and fulfilment that we harbour within, is what really counts to make us feel happy and contented.

Celebrate your uniqueness

If you find yourself having succumbed to the comparison trap, just remember that you are a totally unique and very special individual.

You can waste your life comparing yourself with others and feeling frustration, resentment and even anger … or you can celebrate your uniqueness, practice gratitude for who you are and what you have, and make it your mission to uncover that unique purpose for which you are here and that, if pursued, will bring you lasting joy and happiness.

If you’re not sure how to start, contact a life coach. The ultimate aim of any life coach worth his or her salt, is to help people like you connect with their true calling in life!

 

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