If you are a loyal reader of this blog you will know that from time to time I turn to others for inspiration.
I recently came across an extract from a book, \”Prescriptions for Living\” by a medical doctor by the name of Bernie Siegel.
The extract talked in very powerful terms to the importance of encouragement, something I believe is at the very heart of great life coaching practice.
As a life coach you can have all the tools, techniques and skills in the world but if you do not know how to leave your client feeling encouraged, you are destined to struggle.
I hope you enjoy the following wise advice, for which I am thankful to Dr Siegel. I have kept his original text and spelling but made subtle edits to the paragraph size and formatting to suit the blog:
[box type=\”shadow\”]\”I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among men the greatest asset I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.\”
– Charles Schwab[/box]
What is the thing that can make your life feel like a balloon ride?
What brings you the sensation of floating free, silently carried by the wind?
What lifts your spirits and allows you to overcome difficulties?
The answer is very simple: Encouragement.
That\’s right, encouragement. Not success.
Knowing that our efforts are appreciated is more important than being successful. Encouragement removes the burdens we carry and allows us to go on with confidence.
Hemingway is supposed to have said that confidence is the memory of past success, and I agree that success can beget success. But think about very young children: They don\’t have any past successes. If we need success to be successful, then how did any of us ever learn to walk? What made you get up again, each time you fell?
You got up and tried again because your parents held out their hands and encouraged you to try. \”You can make it,\” they said. Walk. Use a spoon. Ride a bike. Think of the things you learned because your parents encouraged you. Watch a child learn to crawl, walk and play ball again after surgery for a brain tumor, and you\’ll see how important encouragement is.
The key element in encouragement is to stop being judgmental.
The important thing isn\’t the grade your son got; it\’s the effort he put out. It isn\’t whether your daughter hit a home run; it\’s that she went up to the plate and took a swing. The effort is what matters, because as long as we are trying we are fulfilling our mission.
\”Examine me, O Lord, and try me,\” the Psalmist wrote. . . .
Our children are better than they think. What kind of mirror do we hold up to them? Do we point out all their faults and problems, or do we point out their beauty and successes?
What do you say to your kids when they walk out the door? Stand up straight? Fix your pants? Did you forget your lunch or your books? Do you ever say, \”You\’re a beautiful person. God and I are proud of you.\”
A friend tells me he tries to encourage his children, but his fourteen-year-old daughter doesn\’t believe him when he tells her how wonderful she is.
Two-year-olds don\’t doubt you when you hold out your hands and tell them they can walk, but it can be trickier encouraging older children or spouses or adult friends. Giving encouragement, like other forms of loving, sometimes requires creativity. . . .
Here is a prescription for encouraging the people you love:
Say good things about them to their faces and behind their backs. And don\’t worry about exaggerating…
… An overdose of love has no recorded adverse side effects.
This one really made sense. I’m in a space where I receive no encouragement so drag my feet in what I’m trying to do. So will find someone to help, thanks for highlighting this.
I’m glad you liked it Margie. It may sound strange but one way you can control how encouraged you feel is to make it your mission to leave others feeling encouraged. What you put out will soon come back! Good luck with this.
Hi Bill, i really appreciate the article as a manager, I am daily challenged to encourage my “new” team.
I would like to believe that I am encouraging them, based on fact that I have influenced people’s careers very positively.
However, I was assigned to a new team, 9months ago. Somehow, my encouraging techniques is ineffective. Is there a limit to encouragement, is it possible that people simply cannot be encouraged, given all the opportunities that has passed.
Christal
ch*******@ab**.za
Hi Christal. Its difficult to help without further detail, although I would ask you to consider this:
– What makes you say that your encouraging techniques are ineffective with your new team?
– What do you mean by ‘technique’? Are you trying to make it into too much of a science
– I don’t believe that it is possible that people cannot be encouraged. Everyone responds to encouragement if done appropriately.
Feel free to contact me separately on email if you would like more assistance 🙂
Beautiful! There is only one thing that conveys ultimate power, and that is LOVE. And for this, I am grateful every single moment of every day for that which surrounds me and is a part of me. I constantly ask for the wisdom to fill my mind, heart and soul with its very essence, for it is this essence which brings about immense peace and fosters boundless opportunity for more beautiful things to unfold with every experience and interaction I ever have the privelege of sharing with the ‘world’ around me.
Thank you for this valuabel message, as it is sincerely appreciated.
You are most welcome Giscard!
I totally agree with this and will certainly be more mindful, from hereon, in this area. It is more than just challenging when its to be applied when you have older kids, but I am still gonna be trying this more constantly. More as a way of life. Thanx for sharing Bill. I do have a serious and burning desire to qualify as a life coach and I will, as soon as I am financially ready. Thanx again.
We look forward to that Jeremey!