Lack of self confidence is a debilitating affliction that bedevils a great many people.
And yet, it\’s a simple state of mind that separates those who live life tentatively, with uncertainty, and those who live life boldly and to the very fullest.
[box type=\”shadow\”]\”Remember that, ultimately, it\’s not about how things look to other people. It\’s about how things feel inside, to you!\”
– Bill Burridge[/box]
Understanding what holds people back
I spent some time yesterday poring over the responses to an important questionnaire that we issue. It\’s sent to prospects of ours that have, for some time, indicated a genuine interest in becoming life coaches, but, for whatever reason, have not yet registered for training.
The responses are, of course, very helpful in understanding what holds people back and how we might introduce improvements and/or changes to our offer to address this.
But, quite apart from the marketing benefits that come from understanding our prospects better, I find it a useful dipstick for gauging how people feel about life.
You would probably guess that most people who enquire about an opportunity and then fail to act on it within a certain period do so either because the opportunity doesn\’t suit them, the timing of the offer is wrong or because they simply cannot afford the time or investment required.
Not the main reason
These are all important and very valid reasons – but, surprisingly, not the main reason!
Believe it or not, our research shows that the number one reason that people do not act is because they lack self confidence.
Doubting one\’s own ability
In other words, it\’s not so much the opportunity, the product/service offer or the investment required that puts them off. It\’s their belief in their own ability to make it work for them that is lacking.
An endemic problem
I admit to being quite taken aback when I first drew this conclusion from our research some years ago but after speaking with numerous other education and training providers in various fields I came to realise that lack of self belief is an endemic problem.
Why else do you think that guarantees have become such an important marketing tool? People who feel uncomfortable relying on their own ability to make something work will constantly search for the comfort of external \’cast iron\’ guarantees of their success.
The only true guarantee
Of course, we all know deep down, that the only true cast iron guarantee of success lies in the actions we choose to take. After all, how can any third party guarantee our success without having control over our actions?
So why is self belief such an elusive commodity for so many people?
A preoccupation with how others see us
My personal take on this, given my own past experiences with self confidence is that it is a product of the times we live in where the external world is so often given priority over the \’internal world\’.
By this I mean that we have become wrapped up in how others view us rather than how we feel on the inside. We judge the merits of a line of action that we may be contemplating based on how it \’will go down\’ with those around us rather than on how it might make us feel within.
At this point you may be interested to reference a previous post called \’The Authentic You\’.
Modern technology and the ubiquitous and invasive social media that we all subscribe to have served to hold each one of us up to far greater scrutiny from others.
A diminishing connection with ourselves
There is a serious downside to living in a global village where instant access to anything and everything – and all that is bigger, better and faster out there – is possible …
That downside is the diminishing connection that we enjoy with our authentic inner beings as we struggle for relevance and significance in the eyes of others.
The solution
The solution to this modern affliction lies in taking on a different mindset.
That may sound too simplistic, but consider this:
How you feel, inside, is a far more authentic and reliable measure of your happiness, fulfillment and personal \’success\’ than how the external world appears to view you.
Judgement based on how we feel
If this is true – and almost every celebrity will, sooner or later in their careers, attest to this – then it makes sense that we learn to judge our own actions and abilities based on how they make us feel, not on how we think others will perceive of them.
If it\’s to be it\’s up to me!
Personal success stems from our ability to take the actions that will make us feel good, not those that we think will make us look good!
In my opinion, we need to adopt a new approach, a new \’mantra\’ if you like:
\”I am in complete control of my own happiness and success, no-one else.\”
I invite you to try this simple shift in mindset …
… And enjoy skyrocketing levels of self belief!
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Good Morning Bill and everyone.
How fantastic and relevant particularly to me today. I have been invited to give a motivational talk today,to College students who will be writing their final examinations soon. I like such opportunities but I will not lie and say that the material comes easy but this topic today is just perfect…self belief…
Thanx Bill you have made my life sooo much easier and great topic by the way.
Great stuff Brenda! Spread the word!
It is interesting point that sometimes, and certainly in my case, you can have self confidence in may areas of your life yet a real lack of confidence in others. therefore self confidence is not just a case of”you have it or you don’t”.
I have confidence in my abilities in my current career and confidence in my ability to become a great life coach. Yet I have no confidence in my ability to sell myself or my business. (Also not a great deal of confidence in my golf game – but that is another interesting topic and for those who play golf will appreciate golf can in itself be a great life coach)
Life Coach training, which I have just started, is certainly making me think a lot about myself. Perhaps my problem is not lack of confidence but a fear of rejection?
Bill thanks for the post and the blog in general.
Thanks Geoff
Yes, lack of self belief can be closely linked with a fear of rejection. Fear of rejection prevents one trying a course of action that the inner being desires. That in turn leads to a feeling that “I can’t do it” which in turn leads to lack of self belief. A horrible vicious cycle!
This blog encouraged me to reflect upon my own journey towards the point at which I said, “Yes, I want to enrol for this course”. In my opinion, there are a number of factors involved in undertaking a major change of career in one’s life (as this is for me): timing, affordability, the belief that one can achieve it, the support of one’s family and friends and the realisation that being a life coach is going to provide me with an opportunity to use my time, talents and resources to make a difference in the lives of others by assisting them to be the best that they can be. Without this vital attribute of self confidence, one has not the courage to take such a leap of faith! May this awareness encourage us all to sow the seeds of a greater self belief in each of the clients with whom we have the honour and privilege of interacting.
Superbly put – thanks Karen
Bill, this message resonated with me like you’d never believe. Its amazing what an impact low self confidence can have on ones life, and how much more enriched our lives would be if we just trusted in our own authenticity. Thank you for reminding us.
Indeed Glenda … and it is my pleasure!
Superb thoughts Bill- and yes I agree that the problem is endemic. Many of my clients doubt their ability, and have almost stopped being able to “feel inside”- almost as if it is not important what I think, but much more important what others think.
I Loved the article.!
Thanks Cherri – as a top life coach you would have first hand experience of the extent to which this is an issue with people today!
Great post Bill and for me it referenced one of your best.
“the authentic you”
Love that post Bill
Neil
Thanks Neil!
I want to thank you for this specific message. It comes in a time when I really need motivation to complete my training. People have always told me that I am not a good listener or that I am a very judgemental person. I also had good advices and critisism but somehow the negative ones seem to stick faster, longer and with persistence. I want to be a lifecoach because I want to serve people who like me have issues. Ordinary people who when given the right tools can surpass their own boundaries.
Hi Rouzenne,
Remember that you have a quality that many others don’t have – and that is the ability to act on your dreams.
Now use the material in the programme to help you get past any nagging doubts you may have about your capability and to understand why others are so quick to criticize (See especially Part 5 of the training) and then redouble your efforts to reach for your dream 🙂
Please call me at any time should you feel the need!