Ja, well, no, but…

I always giggle at the silly, yet commonplace statements we frequently use – without thinking whether they really mean anything.

Take the UK, for example …

“Yeah, not bad” is pretty much a standard response to any inquiry about personal wellbeing, though it doesn’t convey much of substance.

And in South Africa …

“Ja … well … no … but …” is one of the favourite answers when one wants to deflect a troublesome question such as: “Have you washed the car yet?

[box type=\”shadow\”]“After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done. ”

– Author Unknown[/box]

Understatement is as much a feature of the British way of communicating as the ability to answer a question with the words “Ja” (or “Yes”) and “No…” used in short succession, is uniquely South African.

I caught myself falling into the trap when my daughter posed this  somewhat awkward question to me this morning:

“So, Dad, Easter has come an gone already. Have you started on your promised exercise programme yet?”

“Ja … well … no … but … all that heavy rain this weekend really threw my plans out,” came my bumbling attempt at justifying my inaction.

What is it about the human psyche that we so often hold back from doing what we eagerly set out to do, ending up, instead, trying to find justification for our lack of action?

Human nature to resist change

Achieving anything, no matter how small it may seem, requires us to bring about a change to the status quo (see last week’s post titled Inertia).

… And it’s human nature to resist change.

Why?

Because we are conditioned to associate change, not with pleasure but with ‘pain’ of some form or other.

No pain no gain

Take my own little issue.

The tactics I have knowingly employed to delay my much needed exercise plan can be put down, fairly and squarely, to the ‘pain’ that my brain associates with taking up a regular exercise routine again after a fairly lengthy lay off.

I imagine, all too vividly, the initial weighing-scale embarrassment and the subsequent physical soreness and stiffness that’s all part and parcel of the change I need and want to embrace.

Inclement weather is the perfect excuse not to confront that ‘pain’ just yet!

Change is as good as a holiday

Our tendency to dwell on the negative aspects of any change stems from an age-old defence mechanism employed by our egos to protect the personalities that they have so carefully crafted.

Change represents a simple threat to the status quo created by the ego – and has to be resisted! And therefore the ego dictates that we should equate change with pain.

And yet, as we know intuitively, change and variety just happen to be essential elements of a happy, vibrant and fulfilling life.

Change – and especially the change brought on by the actions taken to achieve one’s goals – really is as good as a holiday!

To overcome this natural inbuilt inertia, we need to be prepared to ‘re-programme’ our minds. For some, this requires more adjustment than for others.

Radio Ga-Ga

Think, for a moment, about a conventional radio set.

It has three main knobs or dials (bear with me – this radio was built before the digital age!)

One dial is labelled ‘Tune’ and the other two are labelled \’Treble’ and ‘Bass’. Once you have tuned into a programme you need to experiment with the Treble and Bass dials until the sound of the radio station you have tuned to is at its optimum for you.

Let’s call that the ‘sweet spot’.

Now, imagine for a moment that your mind is like a radio set. It’s capable of auto-tuning to goals and special opportunities that can dramatically improve your life if you can just ‘hear’ them clearly enough. Instead of Treble and Bass dials, though, your mind has dials marked ‘Pleasure’ and ‘Pain’ that are ‘factory preset’ to certain levels.

As I explained above the ‘factory preset’ favours ‘pain’ over ‘pleasure’ – so it is quite normal for people to associate more ‘pain’ with change and opportunity than they do pleasure.

In some people the ‘presets’ are overly conservative! In other words, their minds completely overplay the ‘change-is-painful’ association, to the point where they become almost moribund – unable to take advantage of the smallest opportunity to change and improve for fear of the pain that will result.

Changing the presets

The good news is that we can change our ‘presets’ such that we each find our own unique ‘sweet spots’.

We can learn to associate far more pleasure (and less pain) with goals and opportunities and in so doing become more inclined to take the action necessary to achieve that which we desire to improve our lives.

The secret to ‘turning down the pain dial’ and ‘turning up the pleasure dial’ to find our ‘sweet spot’ lies in a critical evaluation of our belief system (and sometimes our entire value structure).

Let’s revisit my simple example.

My inner self knows that it’s time for me to get off my butt and get back into a regular exercise regime. But my pain dial has been turned up too high and it’s preventing me from taking the action needed. Instead, I am (at least outwardly) quite content to avoid going to the gym or taking up running again – and I steadily get more overweight and less healthy.

Future pace to pleasure

To turn down my ‘pain dial’ and turn up my ‘pleasure dial’, I need to examine, and where necessary, replace my limiting beliefs about the effects of exercise.

I need to condition my brain to skip visualizing sore, aching muscles and standing on a weighing scale where the needle quickly zooms into the red area.

Instead, I need to ‘future pace’ to imaginary scenes of a lighter, fitter, healthier me whooping for joy and punching the air as I stand triumphantly on the scale!

It’s all in the mind

I’m sure you get my point. People stand in the way of their own forward movement.

It’s all in the mind. But, with the mind being the mind, most mere mortals need the assistance of tools, techniques and support systems to change it!

That’s exactly where life coaching comes in.