How often have you struggled with a personal dilemma between taking action to bring about needed change in your life and resisting that action to prevent possible negative consequences?
In Make This a Better Year – Part 1 I explained why people find it so difficult to embrace change.
A tussle rages between the ego – that desperately wants to protect one\’s identity from change – and the inner being that passionately encourages change in the direction of one\’s life purpose.
For many of us, in this image conscious world, the ego wins the battle and we resign ourselves to hold our course or keep on plugging away at whatever we\’re doing, in the tenuous hope that fate, something or someone might intervene to change things for the better.
[box type=\”shadow\”]\”The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing.”
– Michael E. Gerber[/box]
Solving personal dilemmas (continued)
A \’battle for the soul\’
The ego cannot stand the idea of losing the external identity that you have worked long and hard to build up and substantive change, of course, constitutes a threat to the status quo.
On the other hand, without major change we cannot bring about the course corrections that we sometimes need in order to live happier, more meaningful and more fulfilled lives.
Stalemate, stress and frustration
The stalemate caused by this innate fear of change causes us to procrastinate, postpone and turn a blind eye to opportunity. This manifests in high stress levels, frustration and a general feeling of disconnect with who we are at a deeper level.
Enter \’Cartesian Logic\’
One of the tools we employ in life coaching to help people who really struggle to see the advantages of a course of action that will bring about positive change, is called Cartesian Logic.
Cartesian Logic is based on the work of René Descartes, a French philosopher and mathematician born in 1596 and involves solving an apparent dilemma by looking at the consequences of a course of action from a number of different perspectives.
Questions to introduce different perspectives
Cartesian logic requires one to ask four distinct questions about the course of action (X) being contemplated:
What would happen if you did do X?
What would happen if you did not do X?
What would not happen if you did X?
What would not happen if you did not do X?
Let\’s consider a simple example:
The story of Jon
Jon feels unhappy working in a job that he finds totally unfulfilling, even though it is relatively senior and lucrative. His family and his wide circle of friends who seem impressed with him and what he has achieved. He also has a fairly expensive lifestyle with a number of committed expenses.
The dilemma that he faces is this. He badly wants to resign his job so he can look for work that is more fulfilling but he feels that by doing so he will struggle to pay his expenses, ultimately earn less money and thereby \’lose face\’ in the eyes of his family and friends.
By using Cartesian Logic (which requires introspection and total honesty) his life coach helps him to evaluate the best course forward:
Question: \”Jon, what would happen if you did resign?\”
Answer: \”I\’d have the time and energy to invest in finding my ideal job doing something I\’m passionate about.\”
Question: \”And what would happen if you did not resign?\”
Answer: \”Things will continue the way they are going. I will remain unhappy and become even more trapped in this job if i continue on my current path.\”
Question: \”So, what would not happen if you resigned?\”
Answer: \”I would not keep feeling that I am trapped in my job, forced to put up with feeling miserable in order to keep up my lifestyle and my appearances.\”
Question: \”And Jon, what would not happen if you did not resign?\”
Answer: \”I would not get the opportunity to pursue a new and more fulfilling path.\”
Hopefully, through this process Jon is able to shift his focus from the \’loss\’ that he feels he might suffer by resigning to the loss that he would definitely suffer by not following his heart!
Thinking out of the box
It\’s an interesting out-of-the-box thinking approach but in my experience it really works.
Why not give it a try 🙂
Hello Bill thanks for the post
I absolutely agree that helping your client see the situation from different angles is paramount.
I agree with Claire that the Client need not necessarily resign his/her job. The big jump should be a gradual considered process (that’s where WE come in).
I suppose that the planning process, with this kind of client, will go a long way to helping the client feel less overwhelmed at the prospect of jumping. They would probably also be more relaxed about it.
I don’t think the point of Cartesian logic is necessarily to make change easy, but rather to ensure that the client considers things from a number of different perspectives. To follow Bill’s logic, if the client really focuses on a future stuck in an unfulfilling job and considers the increasing dissatisfaction and possible resentment towards the family he is supporting, he might well realise that in order to ensure a happy future with his family, he needs to make changes…. As a coach you might then open his thinking to other ways of finding a new path eg. taking time off to look for another job, scheduling time each day to check job sites etc. Making big changes doesn’t mean that you have to chuck in your job with no back-up plan!
On a personal level, this is a wonderful reminder to me. I am often tempted to take in contract work that doesn’t build my business and in fact takes my focus away from building my practice. This is a great way to really look at opportunities that come my way and to take only the work that builds my long term goals – even if it might mean that I have less cash immediately!
Thank you for yet another thought provoking piece, Bill. Considering various perspectives by asking pertinent questions, is a crucial part of a client taking that bold life changing step forward.
Hi Bill
Most of us are in a sacrifising and high life standard situation which we know is not fulfilling but supressing our own needs.When you answer the four questions you always consider other people(children, husbands, wives and family)on how it will impact them ultimately before you think of yourself(which our mothers taught us not to be selfish) and when you do make the bold move there are very few people who will support you.
Im going to ponder on the questions, thank you.
Hi Vinita, I think you may get some value out of reading another post: Be True to You
Hi Bill,
How interesting that this came at just the right time as I am about to deal with a group of people who will be making a really life-changing decision. Thank you for the reminder.
Regards
Rosemary Clark
Excellent – good luck and let us know how it goes Rosemary!
Yes, of course, but in reality Jon will respond that a consequence of resigning his job will be an inability to pay his monthly expenses. I am not saying that this should present an insurmountable obstacle. Merely that refusing to consider it and respond to it appropriately undermines your entire argument.
Hi Bryn, it’s human nature to get sucked into ‘wost fears’ mode when considering the consequences of change. The trick (from the coach’s perspective) is to get the client to focus not on what negatives might occur if he follows his heart but what negatives would occur if he doesn’t. Cartesian Logic, when used together with this shift in paradigm, is powerful!
Hi Bill
Very useful to have the questions with possible answers, still gives me a headache though.