The term ‘life coaching’ may have a great ring to it. But it doesn’t actually say a great deal about what life coaching really is, or what life coaches do.
To my mind that goes a long way towards explaining why the practice of life coaching is so widely misunderstood by the general public.
In today’s post, I’d like to contribute to a better understanding and appreciation of life coaching. I’m going to visit what I believe are ten of the most important assumptions, or premises, that underpin and give power to this amazing discipline.
# 1. Life coaching is about choices
Life coaches are not ‘life experts’ to be consulted for advice on important choices to be made in life.
Life coaches will freely acknowledge that people themselves are the only authentic experts when it comes to their own individual lives.
However, life coaches are experts in equipping their clients with the resources to recognise that they are the masters of their own destinies and in helping them to identify and make their own empowering new choices.
Think of life coaches, not as advisers or consultants, but as facilitators.
#2. The past does not have to dictate the future
Many people allow their past to define who they are today and, as a result end up shackled by it.
Through life coaching, people learn to appreciate that their past is simply a collection of outcomes of the various behaviours and choices they have made along the way.
Although these may have shaped the circumstances they currently find themselves in, they in no way need to dictate what the future will look and feel like. That depends on the choices and behaviours they choose to engage in from hereon forwards.
When this is properly understood it is truly liberating.
We are the creators of our own destinies. If past behaviours and choices have failed to deliver the outcomes we want up to now, then we have the power to learn from this and choose differently.
#3. People are not broken. They do not need to be fixed. They work perfectly well.
Life coaches are not ‘doctors’, therapists or agony aunts. They do not prescribe specific solutions, therapy or advice to deal with unwanted or sub optimal situations or circumstances.
Life coaching is solution focused. Coaches work from the premise that each individual has the inherent capacity and wherewithal to resolve their own hurts and design their own best solutions.
Once again, coaches act as facilitators, introducing their clients to simple, yet powerful tools and techniques to help bring this about.
#4. People have all the resources and skills to make any changes they want.
At the heart of effective life coaching lies an appreciation of the fact that each and every person is equipped with a special talent or gift that, when used, brings them joy, fulfilment and inner peace.
Each person’s inner being instinctively knows the path to take towards this end. It just needs to be acknowledged and listened to.
That is easier said than done in a world in which we are taught and encouraged to suppress the voice of the inner being and follow the demands of the external world.
Life coaching provides the rationale and tools to help people reconnect with their inner beings and their individual purposes in life.
#5. People can be trusted to make the best decisions given the resources that they have.
In today’s world, our decisions are heavily influenced by mainstream media, social media, family, friends and peer groups.
The quick fix culture that we have adopted, preaches that the answers to life are out there and can be found with a simple search on Google or social media.
Frankly, people have lost trust in their own ability and capacity to make the best decisions about their own lives. They constantly search externally for help and guidance, when the best answers lie within.
Life coaches understand that, at a deep level, people are equipped to make the best decisions about their own lives. That’s why the life coaching process is geared towards building self awareness and self belief.
#6. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. There are no mistakes, only results.
Without what we typically tend to regard as failure and the making of mistakes, learning – and therefore personal growth – would be impossible.
Life coaching encourages experimentation and a more carefree attitude to life on the understanding that the more experience and ‘feedback’ that we get, the more we grow as humans and the better equipped we are to contribute to the world around us.
#7.The response that you get is your responsibility
This assumption relates primarily to the communications and interactions we engage in with others.
Simply put, if you fail to get the response you would want from your communications and interactions with others, take a good look at yourself first. It’s your responsibility to change your approach until you do.
Fundamental to effective life coaching is an appreciation of the need to have the courage to take full personal responsibility for the impact you have on your own life and the people around you.
We live in a world of instant gratification. And we are quick to blame others and justify sub optimal outcomes to avoid taking personal responsibility for the situations and results that we ultimately create.
#8. One’s perception of reality, no matter how real it may seem, is not necessarily reality.
Life coaches become masters of their art by honing their ability to step into the shoes of others. Or, in other words, develop respect for different perspectives.
Arguments, disputes and even wars, all result from the fact that people have differing perspectives on the very same situation and either cannot or will not consider perspectives that differ from their own.
Through life coaching, we are encouraged to recognise that different perspectives are quite normal and even desirable, given that no two people share the same upbringing, education, or belief and value systems.
By accepting that although our perspective is our reality, it is not necessarily the only true reality, we become more tolerant, understanding and forgiving.
#9. Flexibility in thought and behaviour is central to a happier life
This assumption derives from an appreciation that the only constant in life is change. To lead happy and fulfilling lives we need to be able to adapt to – and even embrace – change.
Ironically, however, and for reasons beyond the scope of this post, humans are naturally resistant to change. Life coaches often talk with their clients about the need to overcome that inbuilt resistance, or ‘inertia’.
Most people are programmed to associate great pain with change and this only serves to increase the inertia.
Life coaches are skilled at helping even the most inertia-bound people to change, simply by demonstrating how powerful a small yet appropriate action can be in shifting the perception that change is linked with pain.
By encouraging the habit of proactively taking small, yet meaningful actions as and when necessary, life coaches help their clients develop the flexibility to change and adapt to change.
#10. Success leaves clues
In their quest for successful lives, people often overlook the importance of role models and well established patterns of behaviour that have shown to deliver what they want.
Although we are all individuals, we are all interconnected. Many have walked similar paths that we choose for ourselves and in so doing have left practical guidelines for us to follow.
Life coaching strongly encourages the expression of individuality, while at the same time embracing the principle that doing what other people have done will likely result in similar outcomes.
There is no need to completely ‘reinvent the wheel’ when it comes to pursuing success. Just find a role model and follow the clues they have left!
Succintly put Bill. I have always believed that change creates discomfort, even pain, but if one adapts and embraces it, you can manage it. However, it may hit you very hard if you don’t. Sometimes you just cannot side step change as it will hit you especially when enforced. My metaphor for it is riding the waves at the beach with a boogie board. If you only keep your eye on the beach and not on the wave coming up behind you, you can have a rough time as the wave throws you around.
As a New Insights Life Coach trainee, and as someone who has had recently had change enforced on me, I have reflected on the above metaphor and am trying to apply it, to my own situation.
Great thoughts and a nice analogy. Thanks Jennifer!
Very true indeed. The past cannot dictate a person’s future. A person just needs to learn from it and focus on the goal.
The problem with some people is that they focus more on one closed door, and this delays them to see many open doors ahead.
Nicely put – thank you!
New to the 101 course. 56 years old with over 30 years experience of communicating and problem solving with some of society’s lost souls. Seeing how, when delivered correctly, my present facilitator role can change lives that are initially resistant to change, (domestic violence perpetrators), I’m quietly confident of the Impact and potential that being a life coach could be with a client who wants to “sit in the chair”.
The structure of the course looks very professional and my only not doubts, but concerns, are how to market a life coach business once you have competed the main course. I understand there is advice on this on the main course.
In great words of Einstein, “When you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at change”.
I love such quotes and if I was to start my own business I think that quote along with the great Marcus Aurelius quote “The soul becomes dyed with the colours of its thoughts” would be on the office wall.
Thanks so much for your comments Colin … and welcome to our introductory course, Life Coaching 101!
The quote you attributed to Einstein is one of my favourites and I have always attributed it to Dr Wayne Dyer, so I had to do some research and found that although the quote is indeed widely attributed to Dyer, he never claimed to have originated it. The Nobel prize winner in physics in 1918, Max Planck, is apparently the origin 🙂
Thank you Bill, you preach a convert. I don’t have your skill to write. However to be myself, express my thoughts, and act with certitude presence, gratitude and love ,impact as well people around me. Not coaching but an other way to contribute to help humanity.
Good for you Frederic!
Superb, Bill! So enlightening, for me, as a New Insights Pro Life Coach, for my existing clients (to reinforce their understanding of the benefits of life coaching) and especially for potential new clients, who might be hesitant to take that leap of faith to give themselves the best gift they could ever give themselves, an opportunity to learn how to bring out the best in themselves and to shine!
Yes, indeed Karen, thanks for your contribution!