The Toltecs, who flourished in central America between the 10th and mid 12th centuries CE, were described by their successors, the Aztecs, as the ‘epitome of civilisation’.
It seems only fitting, therefore that we should be guided by their ancient wisdom!
![\"Toltec-style-Vessel\"](\"http://www.life-coaching-insights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Toltec-style-Vessel.jpg\")
Photo of a typical Toltec style vessel by \’Madman\’ from
the Wikimedia commons
About a year ago I had a call from a trainee life coach who I had not spoken to before.
It was heartwarming to hear her describe the journey of personal development and growth that she had experienced while studying the theory element of our certification programme.
“I have learnt things about myself that I never thought possible and I just can’t wait to share what I have learnt with others through my coaching.”
During the course of our chat she admitted to being excited but a little nervous about embarking on the practical element of the course (practice coaching).
“I feel I know the theory well but applying it is a different matter. I would just hate to disappoint any of my practice clients.”
I relayed to her my own experience of coaching for the first time and how nervous I had felt about it. I explained to her that if her heart was in it and she kept the interests of her client foremost in her mind throughout the session she would have nothing to worry about.
From her reply I sensed she wanted something more from me.
I leant back in my chair to think about how to answer her succinctly and my eyes fell upon a specific title on my bookshelf.
The Four Agreements by Mexican author, Don Miguel Ruiz, was given to me by a good friend from England. Ruiz claims the ‘Four Agreements’, rooted in Toltec wisdom and teachings, are vital steps on the path to personal freedom.
When I first read the book I was struck how relevant the ‘Four Agreements’ were to life coaches and life coaching in general.
“Here’s some advice from Mexico”, I told the trainee. “Just apply a little Toltec wisdom in your coaching.”
She laughed, rather half heartedly, as if trying to fathom what on earth I was on about. So I told her about the book, grabbed it down from the shelf and read out the ‘Four Agreements’:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment: it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self abuse and regret.
I think the Toltecs hit the nail on the head. But you be the judge 🙂
You have reminded me of this book and these 4 agreements at exactly the right time! I have a client who I believe will particularly benefit from hearing this today. Thanks Bill!
That’s great!
This is quite inspiring. In my case, what worked for me when I started practice coaching was a statement in the Training Manual that encouraged trainees to start practice coaching and it went something like “Don’t worry, you already have a lot below your belt”. Whenever I felt inadequate, I remembered, “Lindo, you already have a lot below your belt”. I would then move with an understanding that I have something that my client doesn’t have. Besides, it’s not about how I express myself but understanding my client when he/she expresses themselves. Whenever I would meet a client, therefore, I would seek to understand them & flow with the tide, yet equipping them with tools & techniques that can empower them. Wishing all Trainees great success in this path – FEAR NOT – YOU HAVE A LOT BELOW YOUR BELT ALREADY…!!
I think the phrase used was a bit different … but your point is well made, thanks Lindo 🙂
Thank you for this inspiring article. As a trainee coach I am also lacking the confidence to put the theory into practice. Will definitely get a copy of The Four Agreements.
I’m sure you can buy the e-book or PDF for very little.
I live and breath the four agreements and use them in my life Coaching sessions. Powerful stuff.
Good for you Karen!
Great advice from a great source, Bill. I have just pulled my copy of this great book off my shelf to reread it. As a fairly new coach, I focus on being myself, trying to put myself in the shoes of my client by listening very intently, and on doing my best. Thorough preparation is essential and definitely determines the quality of each session. Deep breathing before a session establishes a sense of calm, and helps me to disconnect from all else and to focus on my client.
Thanks Karen. I believe that trying to put yourself in the shoes of your client is one of the most powerful ways to gain rapport and a deeper understanding of your client.
Yes indeed , they did 🙂 I am inspired
thank you for sharing Bill.
You’re very welcome!