Life coaching is designed to help people achieve desired outcomes that they would not normally be able to do when left to their own devices. Clients are usually surprised ā some times spectacularly so ā when they look back on what they have been able to accomplish with the services of a good life coach.
And yet, in this hectic, demanding, confusing and difficult world we live in today, it is becoming increasingly common for life coaches to be approached by prospective clients who claim to have absolutely no idea about what they truly want from life, or even which direction to move in.
“The first step in the right direction is the step away from where you don’t want to be.”
ā Bill Burridge
Life coaches, skilled in helping clients to articulate goals and create action plans to ensure that those goals are achieved, are increasingly being called on to help clients who, despite having no idea of what they would like to accomplish, still demand a āquick fixā solution to their condition!
Based on my involvement in numerous case studies that deal with similar scenarios, I have taken the opportunity to present for discussion, below, a hypothetical conversation between a life coach and a prospective client.
In doing so, it is my hope that this will offer some benefit to coaches who are regularly faced with this type of client and, perhaps more importantly, that it might give non-coaching readers an insight into what life coaching is and how coaching works.
Depending on how this is received I may follow up with Part 2 at a later stage.
In this case study, the client is assumed to be mentally and physically well and not suffering from any condition that would require prior treatment from a medical doctor, counsellor or psychologist.
I have differentiated between life coach and client by emboldening the coach\’s words and indenting the client\’s responses.
What would you ideally like to achieve through life coaching?
I need help. My life is directionless and I feel so demotivated.
Iām sorry to hear that … but the great news is that by committing to life coaching you will bring about a real transformation in how you think and feel. Does that sound good to you?
Yes, but I guess it depends on what you mean by \’committing\’. I donāt have a lot of money or spare time so I was hoping one session with you might be enough. I just need you to point me in the right direction.
May I ask you how long you have been feeling the way you described?
Oh, it must be getting on for nearly eighteen months now.
I see. Given that these feelings have been developing for well over a year, do you think it is realistic to turn things around in just one session with me?
Well, I suppose you have a point. But as I said, I just need some guidance and advice from you to help me get direction. I was hoping this session with you would help.
I\’m sure it will, but I need you to know that, as a life coach, I am not here to advise you on what to do or to point you in a particular direction.
But I thought that was your job?
Well, think about it this way. If I advised you to do X,Y and Z that would be advice based on my frame of reference about life, derived from all the learnings, experiences and events I have been exposed to. What is important is getting to understand your unique frame of reference and then tailoring a solution and a way forward that fits best with that.
But I am so uncertain right now that I feel I need someone else to give me direction.
I want you to understand that you are the only one with the knowledge of what is the right direction for you. I also want you to rest assured that, deep down at some level, you DO know what that is.
Then why do I feel so confused about what is the right way forward for me?
You may be surprised to find that this is more common than you think. In today\’s world, we are all bombarded with the many demands of the external world we live in. Our conscious minds are so consumed by what it is we should do and what we think we ought to do to meet the expectations of others, that we lose our connection with our own inner beings that know what it is we truly want for ourselves.
I can relate to what you say about all the demands and expectations. When I think about it I get scared and down. Can you guide me towards a happier place?
No, but I can do even better than that. I can guide you to guide yourself towards a happier and more fulfilling life. Does that make sense?
Yes but how, when I am so confused that I have no idea which way to turn?
By introducing you to you various concepts, tools and techniques that will help you connect with your inner being. You will begin to understand why you are where you are, what it is you really want for yourself and what changes you will need to make to bring about that desired future.
That sounds great but it sounds like a long process.
You know what? Some people spend their entire lives chasing happiness and fulfilment without really ever achieving their aim. All I would ask of you is to invest three to four months of your time in the life coaching process. If at any stage you feel you are not making progress, you can opt out. How does that sound?
Iām sorry if I sound impatient and even a little sceptical. I suppose I am just desperate to get my life back on track again asap.
I completely understand. You deserve that and a lot more. Please believe me when I tell you that you will get what you want, provided that you remain totally committed to the end goal and the process and that you do the work required along the way.
Oh, oh, you\’re making it sound like I\’m in for some hard work! That\’s the last thing I need right now given my motivation levels.
Ha, ha, don\’t worry, your motivation level is something we\’ll be working on together! Right now, may I ask you to take a minute or two to share one or two major achievements or highlights in your life to date?
Yes, well, I do remember how proud I was when I was awarded my degree in sociology.
Thatās an amazing achievement. Now, did you have to put any hard work in to achieve that?
Yes, of course, three years of hard graft!
What else are you proud of?
Two years ago my partner and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. We treated ourselves to an unforgettable tropical island holiday. It felt so good!
How wonderful for you both! Did it take much effort to get to that point?
Oh, for sure, marriage is great but it needs a real commitment to make it work.
Yes, indeed. Thinking about the two achievements you mentioned and the work and commitment you had to put in, would you say you felt highly motivated at the time?
Oh yes, of course … but that was then. Now things are different.
What is different, exactly?
Well, I felt really passionate about getting a degree as neither of my parents had achieved that. I have also always felt passionate about maintaining a loving and committed marriage. Unfortunately, today, I struggle to feel any real passion and excitement for my career.
Am I hearing you correctly that your level of motivation is linked to how passionate you feel about what you are working towards and right now you are lacking that passion in your work?
Yes, you got that spot on. I just don\’t know where my career is going or whether it is the right career for me. I feel flat!
Right! But would you agree that when you feel inspired or passionate about something that you feel is really worth achieving in life, you find it easy, even exciting, to put in the necessary work and commitment?
Yes, I guess that\’s very true.
Great! Well, thatās all Iām asking for from you. Youāve already demonstrated that you have what it takes. Oh, and by the way, coaching is not all hard work. Weāre going to have loads of fun along the way.
Fun?
Oh, definitely! Life is meant to be fun and life coaching is no different. You and I will work hard but weāll play hard too. I can assure you, we\’ll have plenty of laughs along the way.
Really? It just seems ages since I had any fun. Look, Iām quite keen to give this a try. I just don\’t know if I can afford to pay for the number of sessions you are suggesting.
Forgive me if this sounds a little dramatic but what if you had a life threatening disease and I told you I could cure you. Would you find the money to pay my fees?
Of course, what a question!
Well, if you look at where you are right now, I would describe you as having a life threatening condition. Your ability to live a happy, fulfilled and meaningful life is threatened by the fact that you are stuck and don\’t know what to do, not so?
When you put it like that, I have to agree with you. So, apart from my commitment to the necessary fees, time and work you described, what else do I need to bring to our sessions?
I\’m glad you asked that. Youāll need to bring an open mind. You see, youāre going to learn a LOT about yourself, what drives your day to day actions and behaviours, why you believe what you do, what you truly value in life, how surprisingly hard you can be on yourself, why you relate to others the way you do and why they relate to you the way they do.
Gosh, that\’s a lot to take in. I hope there is no brainwashing involved!
Oh my goodness, please put that idea out of your head right now.
With life coaching you, the client, are always in complete control. You see, my role is essentially one of a facilitator. Iāll hold the mirror up to you but only you can decide what you like about what you see and what you want to change. My job will be to show you some tools to help you make those changes and then Iāll hold you to account in taking the actions you agree that you need to take.
It seems, that if what you say is to be believed, I should expect to be a very different person at the end of all this.
Actually, youāll be exactly the same wonderful person Iām looking at right now. The difference is that you will be a great deal more self aware. You will understand yourself a lot better, you will know exactly what you want from life and you will be equipped and motivated to go after exactly that.
So, I will have found the direction I need?
More than that, you will have had time to think deeply about ā and hopefully come to discover ā your true purpose in life.
Wow, that sounds exciting ā¦ but frankly it feels like a thousand miles away from where I am right now!
Well, you know what they say ā¦ the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. And Iām so proud of you for taking that first step and coming to see me today! Now, are you ready to stride out on the rest of this fascinating journey with me?
OK, Iām feeling quite nervous but at the same time excited. I havenāt felt this way for quite some time.
I\’m so pleased. Come on now, letās get this show on the road!
Hi Bill,
Many thanks for this excellent first session case study. I’m going to read Part 2 now! The art of good questions is clearly seen in your article. As you mention, and others have said, you have the client’s best interest at heart, which is essential. As long as we keep this point paramount, we go a long way to ensuring that our coaching is ethical and outstanding!
Thanks Avril. Please find Part 2 here:
http://www.life-coaching-insights.com/a-coaching-case-study-part-2/
Hi Bill, very encouraging – Part 2 will add to the wonderful insight you have given – thanks for offering this to us – regards Belinda
Please find Part 2 here:
http://www.life-coaching-insights.com/a-coaching-case-study-part-2/
Thanks Bill,this really encourages me to continue with this training and achieve what I have been looking for,for centuries.
Centuries! Mmm… such an old soul š
Great Bill….part 2 please!
Your wish is my command!
http://www.life-coaching-insights.com/a-coaching-case-study-part-2/
Really enjoyed that scenario and very helpful to where I am now with my coaching. You must right part 2 Bill.
Hi Rose, I think you mean ‘write’. Sounds like an order š š
Hi Bill, Thank you for this post. I am in training and I am at the point to have my very 1st session with a client. I was quite concerned on how to structure the conversation. This has definitely assisted me because this is a typical 1st session in my mind. btw this has been my 1st read on the blog too, I am quite excited to read more. Thank You
Great stuff Deneera. There are more than 250 articles on the Blog now all of which have a life coaching theme š
Great job Bill! Really loved the way you showcased all the excuses a client can have. Loved reading this š
Hi Hannalie,
Often it is not a case of ‘excuses’ but simply a misunderstanding about what life coaching is and how it works. It’s human nature for people to want a short cut to success without having to do any of the hard yards but, as we all know, there is no magic wand out there that can deliver this. If we want to achieve great things we must be prepared to make the necessary changes and take the actions required. The point is that this is so much easier, more effective and fun to do with the help of a life coach who is professionally trained, with all of the tools and techniques, to get the best out of you!
Great post Bill! and something else to be aware of for those of us who are Life Coaches and trained with New Insights is this.
We as coaches still have times when we are presented with opportunities and come to crossroads in life. It’s then we may need to use our own toolbox or maybe even talk to a life Coach ourselves.
What say you Bill? so interested to hear.
Yes indeed.
We always recommend that life coaches have their own coaches either for ongoing supervision purposes or purely for coaching them to achieve their own goals. There are many coaches who specialise in coaching fellow coaches!
Hi Bill,
This is a little late as I have been away on holiday. Are you referring to New Insights or do you have a particular recommendation?
Thank you
Annette
From New Insights or any other institution if you resonate together. I don’t offer specific recommendations as that would demonstrate favouritism š However we do have a South African life coach directory where you could browse if interested: https://www.life-coach-directory.co.za
Excellency Bill. Really enjoyed reading this and can relate. Thanks.
You’re welcome Charmaine!
Loved this Bill. Excellently explained and worked through. Going to forward this one to my mailing list.
Good. Spread the word š
Thanks Bill. Some great tips here. I am excited to experience this first hand with clients.
We’re looking forward to that point too. Good luck Rob!
That is very true. However, being in my second year as a NI certified coach, Iām finding that it is those clients that might gain so much more from the New Insights Coaching Programme. It is profoundly rewarding witnessing the journey towards discovering their PURPOSE those clients experience. vs. those clients with a very fixed idea from the outset.
Thank you Bill for this, as always, very helpful and insightful post and I do hope you share part 2. ?
Thanks Jan – Part 2 is looking hopeful!
Absolutely phenomenal Bill. I loved the way you handled every objection. The suspense is growing cant wait to read Part 2
Thanks Urshla. I’m glad you got value from this š
Hi Bill, Thank you, very well conversation and skilled approached.
š
I have done this type of motivation to a better life style to quite a few people. Did not realise that it was life coaching. The experience has been rewarding for the people I spoke to and quiet satisfying for me as a person to have been able to touch a few people’s lives.
Hi Robert,
Congratulations … but my advice to anyone reading this is that quality, comprehensive training is of critical importance for anyone with aspirations to become a life coach. Without an appreciation of the fundamentals of coaching including the relevant ethical codes, as well as the necessary understanding and ability to apply the many concepts, tools and techniques involved, you could end up ā even unwittingly ā doing more harm than good.
To think of it so true Bill, I have come to realize now that life coaching is not something to rush through it calls for serious commitment and deep understanding.
You created the real challenge of a client first session here, and beautifully played out. Thanks for the recap on how to deal with a number of different objections.
Great to see you active on the Blog! Thanks William š
An excellent article, well-written and gets to the heart of the first coaching conversation. I really liked your analogy with the life threatening disease.
Thank you Penny š
Great, Bill. Thank you so much man.
I think in hard economical times people view life coaching as a luxury but the way you compare lack of direction to a life threatening disease is a good way to let people see how necessary it is when they do not know themselves how to get back on track.
I had a client who only wanted one session once and his reason was “so that I can know I did everything I could in my work situation.”
It was evident for me from the beginning that he was unhappy with what he was doing and could see that he was more suited to start his own business than continue in the position he held then. he had all the resources but was scared to take the step.
I planted the seed without leading him and a few months later he contacted me for coaching him as he sets up his business and he is really making remarkable progress.
My point is that sometimes someone just needs time to come to the stage where they are really ready, willing and able to get on with coaching.
Thanks Michelle.
Yes – as we say, clients need to be all of READY, WILLING and ABLE to make the changes they are capable of š
Absolutely superbly written, Bill! You have taken care of every possible objection and you are a master at the art of persuasion. What is most praiseworthy however, is that you have the client’s best interests at heart and that is crucial in order to bring about the desired outcome.
Excellent Bill! Thank you
Thank you Karen.
Yes. As you well know and appreciate clients’ interests are paramount when it comes to ethical coaching š
Well written, the ability to overcome objections with positive and direct answers helped over come the clients insecurities and gave the client peace of mind and clarity on your approach in assisting him/her.