There can surely be nothing in this life quite as debilitating as the feeling of fear.
I’m not talking about the kind of adrenaline rush brought on when you find yourself in sudden and immediate danger – and which can often result in heroic deeds of courage. I’m talking about the chronic, nagging, insidious fear that conspires to rule the daily lives of those who succumb to it.
Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of our inability, fear of failure, fear of others, fear of fear!
[box type=\”shadow\”]“Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.”
– Marilyn Ferguson
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Sadly, many, many people live with one or more of these energy-sapping fears as frequent or even constant life partners.
Fear may seem a rather depressing subject for a blog that purports to inspire, but for those who struggle with fear it may be inspiring to learn that it can be beaten.
A classic vicious cycle
And this is important. As those who understand the Law of Attraction will appreciate, the problem is that by continually thinking fearful thoughts it is likely that you will manifest that which you fear, causing you to become even more fearful, thus ensuring the perpetuation of a classic vicious cycle.
A mindset issue
Countless studies have shown that successful people are likely to have a ‘positive conditioning’. Their whole frame of mind tends to be biased towards the positive – in other words their thoughts are preoccupied with what they would like to see happen, what they wish for, what they want to become, what makes them happy and what they consider to be their meaning of success.
In addition, successful people tend to have a finely developed sense of belief in their ability to create positive results. I like to call this an ‘internal power mindset’.
On the other hand, people caught up in the vicious cycle of fear are likely to have a ‘negative conditioning’. Their thoughts are more likely to be preoccupied with what they would NOT like to see happen, what they DO NOT wish for, what they DO NOT want to become, what makes them UNhappy and what they would consider as a lack of success.
In addition such people are likely to believe that their ability to create positive results is dependent on good fortune or the actions of others. I like to call this an ‘external power mindset’.
A simple example: Pam and Paul
Let me offer a simple hypothetical example of two cashiers of similar age and background, who work at a local supermarket.
Pam leaves for work each morning excited about what the new day will bring. She has been working hard and feels confident that she will be appointed as a junior manager before too long. She has heard that another branch of the supermarket chain is opening nearby and thinks this will bring some great new opportunities for growth and development as well as more money. Pam sits down at her till and looks up to see her first customer looking preoccupied. “Hello, Sir, what can I do to get your day off to a great start?”
Paul heads off to work hoping this day will not be as bad as yesterday. He dreads being taken to task by his boss again and frets about what would happen if his boss decides to fire him. He has heard that another branch of the supermarket chain is opening nearby and worries that this will bring more competition for jobs, and perhaps lower his pay making things much tougher for him. He sits down at the till feeling miserable. He can hardly face his first rather aloof-looking customer, preferring not to avoid eye contact.
Pam has a positive conditioning and an internal power mindset, believing that she has the power to create the life she dreams of. Paul, on the other hand, has a negative conditioning and an external power mindset, believing that his future depends on the actions of others.
Understandable
It’s not hard to develop a negative conditioning. The media constantly pumps out bad news that serves to reinforce the beliefs of those who feel that life is really hard and success even harder.
And it’s understandable that people develop external power mindsets. There is little in our education system that teaches us to value our own worth and our own ability to make our lives what we truly want them to be.
A fearful disposition stems from the belief that you are powerless to change things and that the outside world will dictate what happens to you, coupled with a negative conditioning that causes you to focus on that which you do not want.
The good news
The good news is that fear can be beaten simply by changing this mindset.
The first step in making the transition to a less fearful state is to acknowledge this.
The next step is to reflect on the thoughts that render you fearful.
Now, make a conscious effort to replace those thoughts with thoughts about how you truly want to be, what you passionately wish to do, what it is you genuinely desire to have.
Being successful in pretty much anything requires focus and practice. Likewise, defeating fear requires concentration. Concentration of one’s thoughts on the state that you are desirous of being in – not the state that you fear.
If, as is likely, your fears are re-inforced or compounded by what you read and hear about in the media, then make the effort to cut out the daily newspapers, stop watching the news and change the radio station in your car.
Your life will change
When you become adept at focusing your thoughts on what, where and how you DO want to be, you’ll find your life will change – almost magically. People, things and opportunities will suddenly manifest to help you on your way – because you have attracted them with your harmonious vibration. You’ll become aware of all the good that is happening around you and you’ll feel more giving in turn.
While you are developing positive conditioning, start to work on your self-belief. There are many self-development and motivational aids that you can use to help with this. None are more powerful that hiring your own life coach.
A life coach will help reacquaint you with your own brilliance and help you to come to terms with the fact that you have everything you need inside of you to achieve the life that you desire.
Since everyone is confessing I might as well…I have always been very fearfull of debts, funny part the more I feared them the more I got deeper and deeper into them and the more I got miserable as I saw my debts piling up the more I felt out of control and completely defeated… Vicious cycle…Its only after I started paying them off little by little that I felt positive and the more I felt positive the more I was able to face them and its as if everything just turned against me, rent goes up, electricity goes up, car insurance goes up, groceries…everything goes into a meeting and decides lets attack Brenda…Bill today I am happy still paying off a few things but I learned to negotiate and to be disciplined and to make a conscious effort to be aware of where I am and where I am going in all areas of my life(finance,career, family etc) so that I can be less fearful…Thanx everyone
It’s a very common problem Brenda. Trying to make ends meet today is some challenge for most people. However, as you say, the answer is to seek to control your money and your expenditure rather than let it control you, which it will all too easily do. Through action and intervention you become the master – instead of the victim – of that challenge!
Well done to you 🙂
Thanks Jon that was very helpful!
Thank you for this article.
It is so true that when you are clear about what you want, you can achieve it. A few years ago, at the age of 51, I left a dead-end administrative position with the goverment to go and work in the shops on cruise ships and see the world. I wanted an adventure.
It was something I really wanted to do. I had to overcome the “fear of the unknown”. When you address what you want one step at a time, the fear is not as great. We tend to stay stuck with what we know, rather than taking steps to change our lives.
With determination, and belief that you can achieve what you want.
Be bold, be confident and be clear about what you want and you will overcome any fear. Take one step at a time.
You make an excellent point Margie – thank you.
thank 2 you too Bill.
I cannot think of anybody in modern life that would’nt know what fear is. The tricky part is to admit it and to deal with it.
Just think about it, if we can learn to transform and transfer that fear energy (negative) into some action (positive) in split seconds!
what a recipe!
blessings
To share a technique that has been invaluable to me over the past 2 years and more, where I have lived in a combination of fear and depression brought about by aloneness, no work, no income and thus serious financial difficulty and loneliness.
It is all very well to know and believe that thinking positive, and being positive, and sending out positive vibrations is the answer.
Yes it is, and it is by doing this that I have prevailed.
But, you cannot do this all the time, it is physically and mentally impossible – all day, every day, for over 2 years, no ways.
I would also argue that it is not advisable to try and do this all the time otherwise you slip into pretending, and once you start to pretend then you give the lie to the positive side, and then who knows when you are being honest or pretending, even you won’t.
So my technique is that from time to time, when things become really tough and the energy is flagging, to acknowledge the fear and depression that this brings – but then to exercise control over it. I would say to myself: “Ok, I’m going down” but then I would know this, and I would be able to set a time limit to it, and, rather perversely, I would be able to almost enjoy the things I would do when I’m down in that depressed, I’m feeling sorry for myself state – like eating biscuits and sweets, and not doing some work or not exercising, or not washing the dishes (weird, rebellious stuff ha ha ha). And I would know that I was only going to wallow in my down state for that evening, maybe have a little cry, huddle all alone at home … just for that evening only!
Then it was always much easier to be positive again the next day, genuinely positive, sometimes even smile at myself for my antics the evening before.
Like sadness at a traumatic event in your life such as the death of a loved one, give it full reign, get into it fully and with everything you have – but consciously, knowing where you are and what you’re doing, and that you will come out of that state at a certain time in the future after however long it takes to pay due diligence to your loss, or your depression, or your fear.
Good luck – I hope this helps someone out there.
Cheers
Jon
Thank you Jon for sharing such a valuable learning! I agree with you that it is very difficult, if not impossible to live only with positive thoughts. And forcing yourself to ignore ‘negative’ emotions can lead you to live an artificial existence. As you say, the secret is to be consciously aware of how you are feeling and thinking and then to invoke your ‘internal power mindset’ to create the most effective outcome.
Thank you for sharing Jon. Allowing ourselves to be fully “miz”, together with choosing a time limit, is very empowering. We are human beings being human after all! 🙂
We get to be in charge using the time limit. The more we practice balancing the benefits and the drawbacks of the event/the person, whatever, the less time we feel the need to stay in that space of maybe poor me/damn etc etc….
We get to say thank you for all- …the perceived fabulous and the perceived not so fabulous.
Hi Jon,
thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is so true that we must never forget that we are human, and to solve issues we need to be human, and not too hard on ourselves.
The next frase I find very true: solving a problem begins with recognizing that one exists.
This first step is the most important one. The light wil come on!!
God Bless
I gree with you wholeheartedly Jon. I allow myself to go there for a limited time. I set myself a cut off time, go fully into the feelings, tear myself to pieces and clear as much negative thinking out of the way as I can. At the end of it I come out refreshed. The Time to Think process advocates allowing as much emotion as is necessary to restore thinking. I think this is exactly what it is all about and what is needed.
I sincerely hope things have turned around for you Jon,
Warme regards
Rosemary
Hate to admit it, but a year ago I was quite fearful of the Internet in as far as getting involved is concerned. Fear mostly through lack of knowledge (unknown) and the fear of trespassing and not sticking to the rules (people). But I stepped into the fear, learned to know the unknown, changed (be teachable) and less than a year later (perseverance) I’m more than able (confident), I won’t fail, I don’t fear people (they also make mistakes) and best of all, fear is exciting and I have a dream. If a stroke sufferer (not any more) can do it, anyone can. We were not given a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Thanks Bill
I think this is a more common fear than most would admit to. An inspiring story – thanks Herman!
it really is that simple – fear overtakes before we even realise it has invaded our energy being. So often we do not even recognise the negative energy as fear…..I believe one of the greatest fears that we allow in ourselves is ….. fear of success! It really is a simple step just to say everyday – I am fearless …….
🙂