Dying to Live

Profoundly inspiring

At New Insights, the final requirement for gaining certification as a life coach, involves a self-reflection exercise. Trainee life coaches are encouraged to revisit learnings from their practice coaching experiences.

In particular, applying due anonymity of course, they are encouraged to recount some of the breakthroughs achieved with their clients and the key learnings derived from these.

Many of the stories these trainees tell are profoundly inspiring.

A similar pattern

Each is, of course, unique. But, with few exceptions, they all follow a similar pattern, one that I would describe as transitioning from ‘passive living’ (or what I refer to here as dying to live) to ‘active living’ or living life to the full.

Let’s visit these concepts briefly.

Passive living

Clients who are living passively present with a diminished verve or energy for life that can best be described as a state of frustration or disillusionment.

Many feel exhausted and overwhelmed by trying to keep their heads above water in circumstances where the odds seem stacked against them.

Some will feel resentful – towards the world in general, the government, their employers, their peers, and even, in some cases, their parents.

There is commonality in their language. It tends to be characterised by phrases like:

“If only this…”
“If only that…”
“Nobody cares …”
“It’s so unfair …”
“I can’t …”
“There’s nothing I can do…”
“They make it impossible for me…”
“My life is a mess, thanks to …”

Passive living results from a deeply entrenched belief that we live at the mercy of a difficult, unpredictable, and unforgiving world; one in which we feel all but powerless to bring about change.

A trap

Passive living is a trap that is easy to fall into.

Without delving too deeply into the reasons, there exists various commercial, political and even religious vested interests that stand to benefit from people who feel individually powerless and therefore dependent on them.

At the individual level, the self-protective ego deals with one’s failure to manifest the desired life, by pointing a finger at someone or something else. Blame is very a convenient way to justify one’s ongoing problems.

People stuck in passive living – and, sadly, that’s the majority of the population – often decry a lack of assistance and support from others as they do their best to contend with the vagaries of life and the harsh experiences it throws in their path.

While in this coping mode, they remain motivated by hope. The hope that things will somehow change for the better, that they will get a ‘lucky break’, or that a proverbial knight in shining armour may come to their aid.

People living passively are really ‘dying to live’ but without any real plan to make this happen.

Active living

The problem with the passive living trap is that it is really difficult to escape from. One’s mindset is conditioned to believe that, as change for the better can only come from the outside, such change is beyond one’s capacity to bring about.

Enter life coaching!

There is an altogether more empowering way to live. As life coaches, we refer to this as ‘conscious’ or ‘active’ living.

A life coach, properly schooled in transformational coaching techniques, is equipped to help clients bring about the necessary change in mindset required to escape the passive living trap.

To be clear, the client is required to do the work!

A catalyst

The job of the life coach is to act as a catalyst, or agent for change, and to motivate, inspire and support the client as they navigate the process of change.

That process can seem daunting at first but quickly becomes much easier with the huge leaps in client self-awareness that life coaching facilitates.

This newfound awareness precipitates a growing realisation that each and every individual is equipped with the ability and personal power to create more of the life he or she desires.

Instead of reacting to what life throws at us, we can imprint our own vision for the future on life. By taking carefully considered actions, accepting full responsibility for the outcomes, and using what we learn to adapt our actions to be even more effective, we start to manifest the life we love.

Actor or director?

You may have heard me use this analogy before, but I think it is highly appropriate:

Passive living equates to being an actor in a play about your life that is written by others. You follow the script but you have no control over it.

Active living, on the other hand, equates to being the writer and director of the play about your own life. You have full control over the script and the way it plays out!

Dying to live

So, in conclusion, if you feel like you are dying to live but just can’t see a way forward, life coaching may be the perfect solution for you.