Bring out Your Positive Side

Life, as we know, can be really challenging!

Our ‘autopilot’ response to the challenging situations we face is often to engage in negative thought patterns that lead us to fall into a rut of worry and angst, so we end up feeling sorry for ourselves and this perpetuates our negative thoughts.

As a life coach, my main focus is on how to make sure my clients’ thought patterns serve them rather than disempower them. Worry and anxiety stem from negative thinking patterns that can, with a little work, be easily changed.

[box type=\”shadow\”]Today\’s post was kindly contributed by Charlotta Hughes, a New Insights trained coach who was winner of the 2012 Life Coach of the Year Award in the UK. Charlotta\’s website is listed at the bottom of this article.[/box]

From thoughts to outcomes

Let’s look at this in a bit more detail.

Our thoughts determine not only how we feel, but also the likely outcome of our actions.

If we physically think about how a situation will be fun, positive and successful we increase the chances of that outcome manifesting. If, however, we focus on our doubt and insecurity over how something will turn out, it’s likely that there will be a poor outcome.

So our success and happiness really is linked to our thinking!

The negativity trap

Sadly, for many people, it’s way easier to think negatively, about what’s missing in their lives and how they’re not good enough, than it is to stay positive and confident. As a result, their chances of experiencing a successful, joyful life can be ruined.

If you struggle with maintaining a positive outlook, the question is, what can you do to change this?

Thought control

The first thing to realise is that you are in control. You own your thoughts. Your thoughts do not own you. So if your thoughts aren’t supporting and aiding you, you can change them.

For many of my clients, this is a ‘penny drop’ moment. A moment that creates real empowerment.

If you accept and claim that responsibility, you do have the power to make your thoughts enjoyable ones that will enable you to love yourself and live your life to the full.

Managing self talk

Another technique I’d like to share is getting yourself to raise your awareness of overly dramatic self talk.

What does that mean?

Well, we humans don’t cope very well with ambiguity. So we tend to ‘fill in the gaps’ in our communications. For example if I say hello to you and get an unexpected outcome (you don’t say hello back), I will be inclined to fill in what I perceive to be a missing gap by making up my own story.

I might start thinking of all the reasons why you ignored me. You quite probably dislike me, perhaps I have done something to you that caused you to ignore me, maybe I’m just not worthy of your attention, and so on.

Here’s another example of overly dramatic thinking or self talk:

Linda recently submitted an important and very urgent report to her boss at work. She expects to receive feedback by a certain time, but I doesn’t, so she fills in the gap by inventing stories about her boss hating the report. She starts to feel she’s made a fool of herself and thinks that perhaps her job could even be on the line!

In truth her boss found the report to be well written and quite eye opening leading him to want to spend more time considering Linda’s proposals before getting back to her.

Damaged self esteem

I have clients who have seriously damaged their own self esteem by engaging in this kind of overly dramatic and negative self talk.

Negative thought patterns can quickly turn into severe spirals of negativity, often resulting in harsh self criticism and plunging self esteem.

Raise your awareness

The key here is to get out of autopilot mode and start to raise your awareness of the fact that you are engaging in overly dramatic thinking.

Take careful note of the feelings and symptoms that this confidence sapping self talk brings on in you. It could be a sinking feeling in your stomach or a raised heart rate caused by anxiety.

When you notice the symptoms, write down what it is you’re telling yourself. Ones you read it back to yourself, you’ll quickly discover whether you’re being overly dramatic.

You can also consider asking a partner to help reflect back the stories you tell yourself. It can help you to hear this from a different perspective, creating a little distance between your thoughts and your interpretation of them.

Be mindful of who you choose to use as a partner. Don’t pick someone you hate being told you’re wrong by! Otherwise the feedback may just have the reverse effect of that which you want and need!

In summary …

So, in summary, if you want more positivity in your life, switch off your autopilot and take responsibility for your life. Start to exert control over what you are thinking and how that makes you feel. Become more aware of how you react to situations. Tune into your own self talk, analyse what you say to yourself during ‘gaps’ in communication and teach yourself to cut out the dramatics!

Good luck!

Charlotta\’s website is:  http://www.bemelifecoaching.com