A Coaching Case Study (Part 2)

“Shine with all you have. When someone tries to blow you out, just take their oxygen and burn brighter.”

– Katelyn S. Irons

To get the most out of today’s post please first read the original post, if you haven’t already done so. You can open this in another browser tab or window by clicking here.

In Part 1, I presented the scenario in which a demotivated and directionless person approached a life coach for some direction and guidance, naively hoping that a single session might be enough to make a real difference.

In this post, coach and client have moved on a little to the point where an inspiring goal has been set.

Depending on how this goes down I may post a subsequent part or parts of this case study in the weeks and months to come. 🙂

Once again, I have differentiated between life coach and client below, by emboldening the coach’s words and indenting the client’s responses.

So, you’ve had time to think about the wonderful career goal that you set with my help in the last session. How are you feeling about that now?

It’s only fair to say that I have some rather mixed feelings.

You seemed so excited when you left last time. What happened between then and now?

It’s like I really feel motivated when I leave the sessions with you but it’s a different world out there and I kind of like start to \’second guess\’ myself.

Please will you explain what you mean by that?

Well, I had coffee during the week with a work colleague and told her about my sessions with you and the work we had done on coming up with a really inspiring goal. But instead of being excited for me she just spent most of the time running down coaching.

Has your colleague had firsthand experience of life coaching?

No, but she recently split up with a guy who was a life coach. She reckoned that if he couldn’t make their relationship work then how could he claim to be able to help others achieve their goals and dreams? She thinks coaching is little more than a scam.

Do you feel like you are being scammed by me?

Gosh, no, of course not … but I did leave the coffee engagement confused and on a bit of a downer.

That’s what the external world can do to us, when we are disconnected from our inner power.

Excuse me?

Well, let’s just say that, generally speaking, the world out there is concerned about the world out there and not about you as an individual. I’m here to help you find and trust in your own inner power and to become more resilient to what the external world might throw at you!

Are you saying I should disregard what my colleague said?

I’m saying that you have to consider what she said as coming from her frame of reference, not yours. And it would appear that her frame of reference has clearly been affected by a romantic breakup. We know the emotions that that can stir up!

That’s for sure. I don’t believe she’s been thinking straight for some time.

I personally had a few relationship breakups before settling down with my current spouse. I’m a normal person like anyone else and, frankly, I think that enhances, not detracts from my ability to relate to my clients.

Yes, I can certainly vouch for that. I guess my colleague was just taking her frustrations out.

Do you think there might be another reason why your colleague felt it appropriate to burst your bubble?

Actually, her life is in a bit of a mess right now, so perhaps she’s feeling a little envious of me taking action to get mine together.

Given what you have said, I think that’s quite likely. Now, assuming you leave today’s session feeling upbeat, what can you do to stay motivated between sessions?

I suppose I can pay more attention to my intuition and less to what others have to say about me and my plans.

That’s a fantastic insight, well done! During our coaching programme I’m going to help you to prioritise your inner voice and what you truly want for yourself, over what you think others may say, expect or want for you.

OK, but most of the time I still find it hard to determine what it is I really want for myself.

Well that’s part of what we’re working on in coaching. You’ve already come up with a wonderful goal, so you are on the right track. For now I would suggest you take a note of when the words “should” or “ought” permeate your thinking. That’s an indication that you are prioritising what you think others expect of you, over what you really want for yourself.

Thanks, if truth be told I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so those two words come into my thinking a lot!

And how does that leave you feeling?

Confused and sometimes full of guilt if I don’t do what I think is expected of me.

That’s a natural result of the push-pull between your inner being and your ego but for now let’s get back to that amazing goal you have set for landing a job teaching English in China. Are you back to feeling excited about it?

Yes. I’m super excited as it combines a number of my short-term dreams into one. But I can’t help but keep wondering whether little old me can really pull this off?

Of course you can. I’m going to help you to stop underestimating your incredible ability.

I just wish I could stop feeling so overwhelmed by it all!

Something really worth doing is always a stretch. Taking on stretch challenges is how we grow and develop best. But to start the process and get into action we have a pesky little obstacle to overcome in the form of the ego.

I’m not sure I understand?

Well, you could consider your ego as being the protector of your image in the external world. The very last thing it wants for you is to be shown up, look stupid, lose face or suffer tarnish to your reputation. When you look to take on a big new challenge it says, “Whoa, hold on, this change to the status quo could be risky!” So it goes about planting doubts and fears in your head in the hope you will chicken out!

I can resonate with that, as I’ve been feeling pretty fearful about the magnitude of what I have bitten off here. How can I deal with this?

Firstly, by being consciously aware of this built in ‘anchor’ and how it holds you back in life. And secondly, by tricking your ego into a false sense of security by reducing the degree of change that you focus your mind on.

How on earth do I do that?

You simply break the ‘big hairy goal’ down into smaller chunks called milestones that involve a lot less change, are altogether more achievable and therefore less daunting.

I have to \’eat the elephant one bite at a time\’, is that what you are saying?

Exactly! Seeing you have given yourself six months to achieve your goal, let’s come up with at least six monthly milestones or stepping stones en route to that goal.

OK, that makes sense to me.

Good, and to be doubly sure that we outsmart your ego, we’ll break each of those milestones down further into small but quite easily achievable action steps that we will make the focus of our coaching and that I will constantly hold you accountable for.

Sounds like a great plan. I’m beginning to feel on a bit more of a genuine high now!

Ha, ha, just wait till you’re trekking along the great wall of China!