Choose Your Attitude

A number of you commented positively on the \’hall of mirrors\’ parable in last week\’s post. That spurred me to write about the effect that one\’s mindset or attitude has upon one\’s ability to enjoy life.

This week\’s post utilizes an extract from my book, \’A Boerewors Roll for the Soul – Awaken to the magic of the life you love\’ and a section titled \’Accepting Responsibility\’.

I hope it rings true for you …

[box type=\”shadow\”]\”The price of greatness is responsibility.\”

– Winston Churchill[/box]

With free will and an open mind you can really make life happen!

And when life happens, the consequences may or may not be how you would plan them in a perfect world. The degree to which you derive satisfaction – and ultimately joy – from life, depends on the attitude that you choose to adopt to things that happen in your life – and in particular to things that don’t turn out the way you hoped for!

In such cases, you can react in one of two generic ways.

The ‘anything but me’ approach is to look for a reason outside of your control and justify or pass off the consequences as being the fault or responsibility of someone or something else.

We’re all only too familiar with this approach:

“If only Tom had played his part…”

“For Pete’s sake, the rain messed up all my perfect planning for the braai!” (That’s a barbeque if you’re not a ‘Saffer’)

“I specifically appointed you to make this happen right for me and look at the disaster you’ve created!”

“There’s no way it’s my fault that the customer took offence to the email I wrote.”

“Speak to the manager if you don’t like my service. He doesn’t pay me enough to smile when I serve you.”

Alternatively, you can choose an approach that, at first, comes less naturally but, if followed with authenticity, is altogether more fulfilling in the longer run.

I call it the ‘me and Bobby McGee’ approach.

The well known song co-written by Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster, featured the words “freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose”. Try turning that around. When you feel there’s nothing to ‘lose’, then you’ll start to enjoy real freedom.

Let me explain.

The reason most of us resort to blaming and justifying when things go slightly – or badly – awry, is due to a fear of loss of face. Most of us are driven by a need to feel significant and if that pursuit of significance suffers a setback or a knock, we move rapidly to invoke our ego-protection mechanisms!

So, the ‘me and Bobby McGee’ approach is to accept responsibility, without question, for the consequences of your own actions. Do it with good grace, reflect on and be happy about the learning experience you’ve been fortunate to go through, knowing that it’s making you a wiser, stronger and better-equipped person.

Let’s go back to the previous examples and see how the words might change, using this approach:

“I could have tried harder to find help for Tom. The poor guy was feeling really off colour on the day.”

“Everyone knows we can have four seasons in one day in Cape Town. Next time I’ll be sure to have a backup plan for rainy weather.”

“This wasn’t what I wanted to happen. I should have taken more time and trouble to brief you thoroughly.”

“I didn’t intend to offend the customer but he obviously interpreted some part of my message that way. I’ll call him immediately to apologise.”

“I’ll tell you what ma’am. I personally don’t like it when I get service without a smile so I can relate completely to your complaint. Would you allow me to bring you a free coffee – with a smile, of course?”

The next time you’re tempted to seek out a culprit when things go off track, hold yourself back. Instead, try the approach of accepting responsibility. Enjoy the sense of freedom that comes with knowing you’re responsible and you have complete control over your own life and destiny.