We all know the old idiom:
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”
But many of us never get to embrace this sage advice because we are too fearful of failing.
‘Success’ is overhyped as the ultimate goal that we humans are expected to pursue in life.
We are taught to admire, respect, honour and kow tow to those who are perceived to be successful. On the other hand people who are perceived as failures are often looked down upon, disrespected and disregarded.
It’s no wonder then that we grow up with an inbred fear of failure.
The concept of success
The problem, of course, is the way we choose to define success.
In the materialistic world most of us find ourselves in today, success is commonly equated with monetary wealth, physical possessions and superficial beauty.
In life coaching we help people to appreciate the power of equating ‘success’ with internal happiness and contentment and not with some materially driven, external benchmark. This is easier said than done in a highly competitive world – but it is the way to find inner peace.
Still, no matter how you choose to define what success means to you, achieving it is what is important. And if you spend your waking hours in fear and anxiety that the opposite may come to pass, then you are severely limiting your ability to realise your true potential.
Fear of failure vs desire for success
Fear of failure is perhaps the number one thing that obstructs people from achieving what they want from life.
And the most common symptom that fear of failure manifests is procrastination; holding back, delaying or putting off important decisions and actions.
If you recognise the procrastinator in you, imagine a personal scale dictating your actions.
On the one side of that scale is your desire for success. On the other is your fear of failure. For as long as the fear outweighs the desire you will be stuck in procrastination and success will remain elusive.
Redefining failure
One effective way to diminish your fear of failure is by redefining what this means to you, so that it takes on less importance.
Life is a journey.
Any journey of consequence features ups and downs, straight sections and bends. These offer variety and challenge to the journey, making it less boring and more interesting, unpredictable and eventful.
On a road journey we would never consider the ups and straight sections to be successes and the downs and bends to be failures. They are just different experiences we encounter on the journey that make it more enjoyable and memorable.
Likewise, when we experience times in our lives times that appear to take us further away from achieving what we ultimately desire, these are not failures, they are merely challenging periods that render our achievements more meaningful and fulfilling.
Bumps in the road
So what we have been led to consider ‘failure’ is not actually failure. It is merely a bump in the road that provides a temporary distraction adding to the excitement of the journey and the process of reaching our destination.
Once you can programme your mind to accept this, you should find it far easier to stop procrastinating and start doing.
After all, that’s where the excitement lies – in the doing!
Famous people who were ‘failures’
Perhaps you need a little more motivation to help you on your way?
Consider the following famous people, regarded by most as examples of huge successes. They all experienced times in their life where they could be described as having failed or experienced failure… but they didn’t let that deter them.
Their desire for success simply outweighed their fear of a few bumps in the road along the way!
Oprah Winfrey
One of the richest and most iconic women in the world was once fired from her job as a TV reporter due to claims that she was “unfit for television”!
Winston Churchill
He failed his sixth form education and faced defeat in every election for public office in every election in which he ran, before he became Prime Minister of the UK at age 62.
Marilyn Monroe
Though she died at an early age she was hugely successful. It’s hard to believe that she was once told by modelling agents that she would have more success as a secretary!
Henry Ford
Ford endured bankruptcy on five occasions before he became the man we so admire today.
Vincent van Gogh
This master painter only ever sold one painting, to a friend and for a paltry sum. At one point he had to endure starvation in order to complete his over 800 known works.
Ludwig von Beethoven
His teacher once labelled him a “hopeless composer”.
Walt Disney
Walt was fired for lack of ideas by a newspaper editor. He also went bankrupt a number of times before he completed Disneyland.
Soichiro Honda
Honda is today a billion-dollar automotive giant. The engineer, Soichiro Honda, after whom the company is named, started making scooters in his personal garage after failing to land a job with, now competitor, Toyota.
Charles Darwin
This ‘father of the theory of evolution’ was told by his own father, “You care for nothing but shooting, dogs, and rat catching.”
Lady Gaga
This superstar diva dropped out of the Tisch School of the Arts at New York University to follow her passion in music. She joined major label Def Jam Recordings but had to start all over again after being let go just three months after signing.
Steven Spielberg
He applied, on three occasions, to the California School of Theatre, Film and Television – and was rejected each time.
Albert Einstein
The man we know today as a genius, did not speak until he was four years old and did not read until he was seven. He was described by his teacher as “mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.”
Elvis Presley
This blockbuster artist was told by his manager in 1954, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”
Fred Astaire
In 1933 the testing director of MGM wrote the following about him: “Can’t act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!”
J K Rowling
This lady, so well known for the hugely popular Harry Potter series, is now one of the richest women in the world. When she started out writing, was almost penniless, dependent on welfare grants, severely depressed, and divorced.
Thomas Edison
Edison was told by his teachers that he was “Too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired for lack of productivity in his first two jobs. His success in inventing the light bulb came only after at least 1,000 unsuccessful attempts.
Bill Gates
Gates dropped out of Harvard and started a business called Traf-O-Data which failed, before Microsoft was conceived.
The moral of the story
All this goes to show that failure, rather than something to be feared, is an integral part and parcel of the journey to achieve what you want from life, or, as we like to say, “becoming successful”.
Regard it as something to be embraced, not feared, and see your life change dramatically!
Thank you very much, for the motivations, procrastination is the thief of time. Will have to strive to start & finish what I have started.
Well said Coach, indeed fear can hold you back but what is even more painful is living a life of regret. Experience with my own life has taught me that every time i chose to go a different direction than fear i always end up in a better place such that i never regret my decision but where i allowed fear to hold me back i always regret holding back…my advise is go all out and never hold back.
Thanks for your contribution, Juliah!
Thank you so much, gret insights, when I read this I know it’s a decision point and it is not easy to break from the definition of failure we’ve been socialized to know and believe….words spoken on us in moments perceived to be failure, how we are treated by ourselves and others including those we love and trust in these moments…my new normal and mindset shift is drawn from the example that the ups and downs, the curves in the road trip never stop anyone from focusing on arriving a,t the destination…we experience them, acknowledge them. When you have a tyre burst others offer help other pass …but we really ever go back… fear of failure and procastination, I’m on you, not after this..
Thanks Botho, I’m so glad this article resonated with you!
Great blog Bill – thank you! I coach people with secondary care mental health problems (supporting them back into employment) and these are great examples to share with them. Thanks again!
Thanks Louise – I’m glad it is helpful!
Great blog Bill – thank you! I coach people with secondary care mental health problems (supporting them back into employment) and these are great examples to share with them. Thanks again!
Hi Bill
Thank you for an interesting and provocative blog post – I am thinking about life purpose a lot and at the moment and how it related to success- I think that a life of service in which one is mindful of every moment and action, trying your best to do everything you do with love and to the best of your ability can be defined as successful. Even when it might look quite unremarkable to others.
I found the examples of people who can be defined as successful quite interesting – if one delves deeper into their lives, some of them might have looked successful in their careers but were actually pretty messed up in their personal lives. Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley both died young because of drug abuse for instance. I doubt that they viewed themselves as successful.
I suppose there are always different perspectives from which to view every person’s success in life …
Thanks Michelle – a great perspective … and yes, what appears as the pinnacle of success to the external world is often far from it when it comes to attaining inner peace and fulfilment 🙂
It can be such a powerful emotion to deal with and move past. I see so many people who are filled with regrets in the homes I visit and you can be sure that fear is what they will talk about mostly and how it held them back in their youth. Now in their golden years, it plays out more strongly. Thank you for this topic Bill, you have explained it so well.
Great insights, thanks Avy 🙂
I needed to hear this. Iam going to deal with the procastinator in me
Good for you Mpho!
A great image and superb content. So empowering. Thank you, Bill.
Thanks so much Karen!