As a man I don\’t find it particularly natural to be writing about surrender. After all, what man likes to throw in the towel without something of a fight?
But the form of surrender I want to talk about does not need to imply weakness. In fact, if anything, it requires courage, trust and a degree of inner strength.
[box type=\”shadow\”]\”Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.\”
– Gail Sheehy[/box]
My wife, Jenni, is a life coach – and she was recently editing her profile on our life coach directory. She asked me to take a look over what she had written about the benefits of her coaching programme. I was struck by one sentence in particular:
\”The desperate need to try and control every aspect of your life will fall away, to be supplanted by a simple process of taking action, surrendering, trusting and believing!\”
Not the act of giving up
Of course, the \’surrender\’ that Jenni refers to here is not the act of giving up, giving in or waving the white flag. It is the releasing of complete control.
A scene from my corporate life
As I read her sentence again in the broader context I was taken back many years to a scene from my corporate life where, as marketing manager, I was up on stage at my company\’s annual planning conference, frantically pleading the case for a substantial increase in the division\’s advertising budget.
One by one, my critics in the audience (those more conservative types inclined towards the argument that advertising is little more than a complete waste of money) made the point that they could get better value from alternative uses of the money I wanted.
The debate got more and more heated with some of the anti-marketing group suggesting that the budget should be taken away completely, never mind increased.
Passionately committed
As a young man passionately committed to my job, I tried every strategy I knew to convince my detractors. But I felt like I was merely chipping away at a solid rock with a nail file.
My boss called time out for a break as the planning session drifted on late into the evening. Then he called me aside and gave me some advice that I will never forget:
Take a step back
\”Bill, sometimes when you try too hard to push down a \’brick wall\’, it will offer fierce resistance to your attempts at control. Take a step back, release some of your control and you may be surprised to find that it crumbles towards you. Just trust me and believe in the process.\”
After the break I got back on stage and took a new tack. I offered to give up the entire advertising budget if someone could provide proof of better returns for the money.
Suddenly my fiercest critics started to backpedal, realizing the stupidity of halting all advertising. Within just 30 minutes the feeling in the room had turned through 180 degrees and the budget I had asked for got approved!
An important lesson
I had learnt an important lesson.
Once you have done all you can to bring about an outcome that you are passionately committed to, surrender control of that outcome, go with the flow and trust that it will happen.
Many of us are obsessed with having control
In today\’s world, not surprisingly, many of us are obsessed with having control over very aspect of our lives. The desire for control stems from a deep rooted fear of scarcity – the feeling that \”If I don\’t get it someone else will.\”
Ironically, it is this constant jockeying for control that perpetuates the deep seated fear among those doing the jockeying – and a vicious cycle prevails.
Trust in the natural abundance of the universe
For those with the inner strength to trust in the natural abundance of the universe and their ability to manifest what it is they desire, the process is a simple, yet satisfying one
As Jenni puts it …
Do what you can, take the actions you believe are necessary to bring about the outcome you want. Then surrender control of that outcome to the universe, trust in the process and don\’t ever waver in your belief that it will happen!
Thanks, author. the concept of SURRENDER is misunderstood by people in the universe. releasing control by letting the nature takes its couse and see things different believing in what you are doing, is the first step in achieving the positive result in life.
I am currently employed by a corporate financial organisation. We are going through major changes and job security is not guaranteed. Come end September we will all know our fate.
I’ve learned some time back to place a greater trust in the universe and not to try and upset the path that has been decided long time ago. This has never failed me in the past and will not do so now.
Good for you Carel!
These constant corporate changes can be very frustrating – but that’s the nature of the beast nowadays. The key is to recognise this and try not to take any decision that they may make too personally. Focus on your own unique talents and inner strengths and if your current employer no longer sees a need for them deploy them elsewhere. You, not your employer, are the architect of your life.
Best wishes
Thank you again for a most inspiring presentation. Much resistance in surrender, partly born from the possibly mis-understood concept of ” I am the Master of my Fate.” Yes, I am the master of my fate. But how?
Surrender may have to start with the surrender of fears and judgements, and then it is one of the greatest behaviours we can learn.
But when I try to surrender from my mind, it doesn’t work. I find myself being sceptic and holding back: “Who or what is this ‘universe’ anyway?”
Until I realize that the universe is not ‘out there’ and ‘me here.’ I am it. It is the invisible realm where the highter essence of all of us resides. Then, whatever I want becomes inferior to what is healthy for the whole.
I too seek to control. But in the end, it tires me out. After all, there are so many ways to become a master.
I like this topic, and it is the most difficult one to achieve! Goodness me, isn’t ‘security’ just an illusion? I think acceptance is the start to surrender, but with the hussles and bussles of life, we so quickly forget and get swallowed up by what our peers are doing by trying to control. I’m going to try meditation as a supporting mechanism to help me in the practice of surrender. Lovely article Bill. And I also support Mike B’s comments.
In AA and similar programmes for other addictions
the first two steps of the 12 Step programme are …….
I acknowledge I am powerless over my addiction ,…….
…. came to believe that a power greater than myself will restore me to sanity .
Surrender & Humility have changed the lives of millions of people ,and their families, coping with addictions world wide .
And it comes at the START before anything else can be done !
Great topic Bill !
Thanks for this Bill. It is amazing what comes to you when you take your hands off….and sometimes even better than what you wanted.
Thanks, Bill. The word ‘Surrender’ is an invitation into the ‘Universe of Possibility’ that the Zanders speak about so eloquently in their book: “The Art of Possibility”. So often I find myself living in the ‘World of Measurement’ where I want to be in control of outcomes, and where ‘scarcity’ becomes the more compelling mindset than ‘abundance’. I feel I am the one to ‘make things happen’ all the time, otherwise I will ‘lose out’ somehow- as a human being, as a coach…
Yes, I am called to act, but I am also called to ‘be’ and to ‘trust the unfolding’, to ‘surrender’ fully to life and the Universe of Possibility. As the Zanders’ note: “In the measurement world, you set a goal and strive for it. In the universe of possibility, you set the context and let life unfold”
Great food for thought – thanks Roger!
I do what I can, I do take the actions that I believe are necessary to bring about the outcome that I want. Then I surrender control of that Outcome to GOD ALMIGHTY, CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, TRUST fully in HIM and do not waver in my belief that it will happen. And I thank HIM in advance for what HE is going to give to me.
Awesome Magda, AME N!!