The Instant Gratification Trap

I talk a lot about why we are not living the life that we want to live. I also make sure that I am clear in saying that I am not tossing any stones here. A lot, probably most, of my writing comes from the lessons I have or I am still learning myself. What I want to talk about today is something that I think I have learnt earlier on in my life and it has served me well.

What is Instant Gratification?

As the name suggests, instant gratification is when we can get a reward or pleasure for our actions now, in the present moment. Now, a lot of you may be asking what is wrong with that? If I am not breaking any laws or rules why is it a problem to make myself feel happy? Isn’t that why we are here on this earth, to experience all the emotions including happiness?

I totally agree, however what most people do not recognise is that instant gratification has long term consequences. Think of Newton’s law where every action has an opposite and equal reaction, well sort of. For example, if you are saying yes to watching Netflix now, then you are saying no to exercising the body or whatever else you could be doing with that time. Hence 6, maybe, 12 months down the track of saying yes to Netflix now and no to exercising, you have essentially said yes to an unhealthy body and no to a healthy body and lifestyle.

“Remember every time we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else and vice versa. It is up to you to decide what you are saying yes to.”

The Millennial Generation

Now, the modern generation (Millennials and beyond – I’m the first of the Millennials) have been accused of having the microwave lifestyle – we want everything now. Look at technology and the things we can do instantly. I can post this article instantly when I choose to, order food and clothes and get it delivered to my door, download movies, start relationships on dating apps, you name it we can do most things within 24 hours or less.

When you start to grow, you realise that the things that you really want and that you savour the most, such as relationships, a healthy body, education, large investments such as houses and building a following on social media, all take time. And not just time, but time and effort.

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here to say that most of us Millennials and beyond, unless we are consciously aware of it, have been programmed through society to want and expect everything now. That is why everything is so easy for us because, as I suggested earlier, most ‘things’ in life that give you pleasure (short-lived pleasure) can be accessed at the tap of a button; literally!

The Achilles Heel To Our Success

So, have we lost the skill to persevere towards our goals because we just don’t know how? If you look at the people who are successful – they have achieved what they set out to do – they have used the proven formula of planning action over long periods of time to achieve what they want. They know that doing the boring daily and weekly tasks will give them the long-lasting pleasure of achievement and, more importantly, the growth they get from becoming the person who has taken the actions steps to achieve what they want.

“I’ve been there and it’s a great feeling. I’m sure you can relate to it!”

Instant gratification and the brain

Which part of the brain do you think is responsible for instant gratification?

1. The Pre-frontal Cortex: The thinking part of the brain. The conscious part of the brain. What you are thinking now is from the pre-frontal part of the brain.
2. The Mammalian: The feelings and emotions part of the brain.
3. The Reptilian: The oldest part of the brain responsible for survival. It gives us survival mechanisms such as the fight or flight response and our habits. The Reptilian thinks all habits are what we need to survive. It doesn’t know good or bad it just knows habits. It wants to be right, hence the habits, and it wants to be efficient. It doesn’t really like change, it sees it as a threat.

If you said the Mammalian part then you would be right. Most of our actions, if not all, come from habits.

“The habits that you had 6-12 months ago have given you your present results now.”

So, if you are not as fit or as healthy that you want to be it’s because you do not have the habits that make you fit or healthy. If you are not as wealthy as you want to be it’s because you do not have the habits to be wealthy.

The next statement may cause some controversy but I am speaking from personal experience. If you are someone who is anxious it’s because you started anxious habits in the past and you still have them now. Habits take time to build but they can be changed to new, better and more empowering ones.

Again, I am not tossing any stones here because, as I said, I write about my experiences. I believe I have changed a lot of my negative habitual thoughts over time, though I would not say that they are completely gone, and so I am continually working on them.

The point is that if we are not where we want to be in life and if we are being honest with ourselves, then we will probably see that a lot of our habits, what gives us our results, are habits that promote instant gratification and hence we have not built any long-term habits. (We no doubt found them boring!)

What Can We Do About It?

Literally take a pen and paper and take stock of your life, in particular the habits you have. Write out your timetable and look at the actions (habits) that you do consistently week in and week out. Whether you enjoy watching television, playing games on your phone, scrolling through social media or whatever it is. Then start by acknowledging that these things that you are doing are just habits. You have learnt to do them automatically over time.

Over a period of 3-4 weeks slowly eliminate these habits, one by one, and replace each with a habit that may seem boring but that you know will bring you pleasure in the long run.

This could be exercising, spending more time with family, starting a new hobby, spending quality time with mates, whatever it is, write it down. Writing it down in a journal and acknowledging the pleasure you gain from the new habit will keep you on track as you steadily replace new habits with old ones.

Remember, you are not trying to add new habits here, you are replacing existing ones. The Reptilian part of your brain will not like the change. It will fight you and resist you all the way. This is where being consistent and writing down the benefits in a journal will help.

At the moment, I am also trialing the use of affirmations to help with this. Here are examples that I carry with me in my pocket when I have a negative response to a situation (most negative beliefs and reactions are simply habits as well):

1. “This is just a habit, it’s not me.”
2. “It’s just a habit voice – IT’S NOT ME.”
3. “I dismiss habit voices and urges.”
4. “I move my attention.”

I normally move my attention to an image of my son or I start rehearsing how fortunate I am to have so many great things in my life, such as my family, electricity, clean drinking water, great friends, and so on and so on!

Also, think of doing the boring, mundane tasks as a gift for your future self. As stated earlier, everything that you have now derives from the actions – the habits – that you had in your past. If you want a different future you have to start cultivating different habits now, including habitual positive thinking habits.

Finally, I am not suggesting you abandon all your short-term pleasure activities. I mean, we all need to enjoy the moment too, don’t we?

Just ensure that you establish a healthy ratio of \’long-term pleasure\’ type activities (which become habits) to \’instant-gratification\’ type activities. For example, a 70% to 30% split, or whatever works for you.

Oh, and one last thing before I wrap up. Keep practising with your journal writing to form new habits and ways of thinking. That will take time. Don’t compare how long it takes you with how long it took for someone else to do it. Everyone’s different … run your own race!