In a previous post, What is True Freedom, I argued that freedom is as much, if not more, an internal state of mind as it is a commodity that is given to us or taken away from us by other powers.
With today’s media dominated by harrowing stories of how people are controlled, subjugated and abused by others, my argument may be hard for some to accept.
Nonetheless, as holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, so powerfully stated, the one human freedom that cannot be taken away is the freedom to choose one’s attitude and one’s own way in any set of given circumstances.
The dependency mentality
This freedom of choice is a gift bestowed on all of us but one consciously used to full effect by a steadily diminishing number of people.
Our world is increasingly characterised by dependency, reaction and acquiescence.
We look to others to prescribe solutions for our ills. We ‘go with the flow’ instead of finding our own paths. We place trust in others above trust in our own intuitions.
Governments, even those in so-called freedom loving democracies, are becoming increasingly authoritarian and inclined towards nanny-state policies.
Whether this is a cause – or a symptom – of increasing individual dependency (or perhaps a bit of both) is a debate that belongs in the realm of chicken and egg origins!
Unhealthy levels of dependency give rise to blame and justification when things are not going the way one would like. In the same way that solutions are believed to exist “out there somewhere”, so are the reasons for one’s problems!
Conscious choice
The opposite of a dependency mentality is a mentality characterised by conscious choice and responsibility.
Life coaching teaches that solutions lie within.
Life coaching works by helping people become consciously aware of the power that they hold to choose and define their own paths.
Life coaching promotes the value of trusting one’s intuition, or inner voice, above all else.
It follows that life coaching can only be effective if the person being coached is open to the idea of making deliberate conscious choices, and taking full responsibility for the outcomes of those choices.
A horse to water
The point that I am working up to, is rather inelegantly made by the old metaphor: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
Some people are so entangled in the dependency web, so comfortable with leaving decisions to others, and so frightened of taking responsibility for their own lives, that even life coaching is doomed to fail for them.
Life coaching with dependent clients
On encountering such people as clients, inexperienced life coaches may be tempted to betray the basic tenets of their training in order to try and please those clients.
In these circumstances, life coaching can morph into a form of sympathy driven ‘agony aunt’ service.
Instead of questioning the client with a view to unlocking their own creativity, the life coach can find him or herself involved in the wholesale provision of advice. Some coaches may even take on responsibility for one or more of the client’s agreed actions.
Though done with good intent, the effect is to entrench the client’s dependency mentality and exacerbate the likelihood of exposure to blame and shame from the client, when little of substance ends up being achieved.
Clients who are ready, willing and able
Needless to say, life coaches owe it to themselves and their clients to do a little due diligence at the start of the client engagement process.
A few simple but carefully chosen questions should help give the assurance that they are working with clients who are ready, willing and able to make the necessary conscious choices to live the lives they desire.
Thank you for this very clear perspective which deals with two types of clients – those with an open heart and mind who are curious about and eager for progress and change in their lives, and those who are defensive and resistant to change. To distinguish these two types of clients, we, the coaches, need to ask probing questions. The greatest benefit of coaching is that it enables us to see things differently and to develop the courage to do things differently. How empowered we feel when we realize the limitless power we have. How triumphant we feel when we discover that we DO have a choice and we can say NO to the world and those who blindly follow its ways.
Beautifully put Karen – thank you for your contribution!
Thanks,Bill. Important insights that both practising coaches and potential clients (who wish to undertake a coaching journey) take to heart & mind. The real empowerment & transformation that coaching offers (whether life coaching or other forms of coaching) are intrinsically connected to choice, curiosity, compassion, and courage.
Thanks for your wise insights Roger!
Thank you, Bill, for this very eye-opening post.
I often hear clients blaming the coach for their continued ‘stuckness’ or inability to change.
I have had clients that do not do their homework arrive late for a scheduled session without even giving an apology.
It is vital for all coaches to ‘validate’ their clients’ readiness for the coaching process.
As Bill puts it so eloquently, “…life coaches owe it to themselves and their clients to do a little due diligence at the start of the client engagement process.”
Take time to interview your client with appropriate questioning to make sure they are committed to the process.
I would recommend using a twenty or thirty-minute Discovery Session; it can be valuable. It is a great sales tool and a ‘client qualifying’ tool as well!
Thanks for the valuable contribution to this important topic, Mark!