Developing a healthy level of self esteem is a crucial step towards achieving success and happiness in life.
Self esteem can be thought of as the overall sense of self worth and confidence that one has in one’s own abilities, qualities, and value as a person. It is an essential ingredient for personal development and growth.
And yet, according to Dr Joe Rubino, an internationally acclaimed authority on self esteem building, some 85% of people have suffered from low self esteem. This can manifest in many unpalatable ways including lack of confidence, poor body image, anxiety, depression and social insecurities.
It will therefore come as no surprise that by developing your self-esteem you can transform your life.
Let’s look at a few ways to help bring this about:
1. Acknowledge where you are strong and not so strong
I know what you’re thinking … “You mean, acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses!”
Well, actually, no.
Many years in life coaching has taught me that we humans are inclined to benchmark ourselves and our abilities against others, rather than against the person who we truly want to be.
In doing so, we are quick to label those areas in which we feel less capable than others, as weaknesses, when they are nothing of the sort.
By way of illustration, if you have two left feet but have no desire whatsoever to be a dancer, why label your dancing ability as a ‘weakness’?
On the other hand, if you are passionate about D-I-Y but haven’t yet mastered the art of bricklaying, that’s not a weakness, that’s an area in which you are not yet as strong as you would like to be.
OK, so the first step towards building self esteem is to recognise where you are strong and not so strong when it comes to what you are passionate about.
Make a list of your strong traits, skills, and accomplishments. That could include being a good listener, having a great sense of humour or being a creative gardener, for example. Celebrate these qualities and be proud of them.
Then identify those areas where you want to bring about improvement. Instead of being critical of yourself, view these as exciting opportunities for personal growth and development.
By acknowledging where you are strong and not so strong, you will gain a better understanding of yourself. This, in turn, will help you build self confidence.
2. Challenge your disempowering self-talk
Self-talk is an inner dialogue.
When it is critical and derogatory it can easily undermine your self esteem and confidence. Harbouring a silent discourse that includes comments such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never be successful,” or “I’m a failure” can be damaging and can lead to a poor self-image, lack of confidence, and low self esteem.
To overcome disempowering self-talk, you have to become aware of your thoughts. Whenever you notice a disempowering thought, challenge yourself to come up with a more empowering one. For instance, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” replace this with “I am capable, and I can learn and improve.”
3. Surround yourself with people whose glasses are half full, not half empty
You may have noticed that I’m not a great advocate of the terms ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ when used to describe people or their self-talk. At a fundamental level we are all endowed with positive and negative charges. Both are essential to preserve a balance in life. That said, some people act and talk in a way that is more uplifting, encouraging and empowering than others.
The people around us can have a significant impact on our self esteem. It’s important to surround yourself with those who would naturally act to lift you up, rather than push you down. Start avoiding people who you feel are overly critical, demanding of your attention or undermining of your ability. By giving them the benefit of the doubt, you are not being kind, you are simply allowing your self esteem to be eroded.
Enlightened and empowering relationships can help boost self esteem, provide emotional support, and increase confidence. Be sure to cultivate healthy relationships with those who add value to your life.
4. Practise self care
When you proactively take good care of your physical, emotional, and mental health, you feel better about yourself, boost your self esteem, and increase your confidence.
Simple ways to practise self care include getting enough good quality sleep, eating healthily, exercising regularly, meditating, and engaging in activities that bring you joy, meaning and fulfilment. By taking proper care of yourself, you will feel more confident and capable of achieving your goals.
5. Set realistic goals
According to Brian Tracy, one of the world’s leading authorities on the development of human potential, only around 3% of people actively set goals as a means of achieving what they want.
And yet, as we know all too well in life coaching, setting realistic goals is an essential step towards building self esteem. Goals give us a sense of direction and purpose and, when broken down into smaller goals or milestones, they provide a means of measuring our progress.
A word of warning. Setting unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment and even to lower self esteem.
So, when setting goals, it is important to be specific, measurable, and realistic. By setting realistic goals and achieving them, you will feel significantly more confident and capable.
A journey not a destination
Developing self-esteem is not a one-off intervention. It is a lifelong journey that requires patience, perseverance, and self awareness. However, by taking the actions recommended above you can transform your life, unlock your full potential and live a happy and fulfilling life.
6. Hire a life coach
If what you read excites you but you feel you could do with help to get started, consider hiring a life coach.
New Insights certified life coaches are specifically trained to promote and support personal transformation by helping their clients develop their self awareness and grow their self esteem.
You’ll be in great hands!
Hi Bill, Thank you for a truly inspiring blog. It is so true about strengths and weaknesses, how quick we are to label ourselves. I love the way you rephrase your wording as strong and not so strong – that we can still be good at things but to different degrees, with some areas needing more work and others not, but we are still capable of doing them or may not be interested in the first place – like your example of dancing
Thank you Michelle, always a pleasure 🙂
Thank you, Bill, for a powerfully motivating and inspiring blog. You have so vividly described the life-changing and long-lasting benefits of coaching.
Thank you Karen!