It\’s February, the holidays are long gone and if you\’re like most, you\’ll be back into the routine you\’ve become accustomed to, with the shine rapidly disappearing from the New Year\’s resolutions you made a month ago.
This is the time of the year when doubts start to creep in about whether something different and exciting will indeed materialise from a year which held so much expectation at the start!
[box type=\”shadow\”]\”I have never heard anything about the resolutions of the apostles, but a good deal about their acts.\”
– Og Mandino[/box]
Deep desire for positive change
New Year’s resolutions represent a deep desire to manifest positive change in one or more areas of one\’s life, such as health, wealth, career, relationship or spirituality for example.
Sadly, though such resolutions are easy and fun to make they are notoriously difficult to keep.
Why is this?
I believe the answer lies partly in the attitude we have towards change and partly in how we perceive our ability to create our own reality.
A subtle shift in approach
I\’d like to suggest that a subtle shift in your approach to these two subjects is all that is required to bring about a dramatic and sustained difference in your fortunes.
This week, let\’s tackle the subject of change and next week we\’ll visit the subject of creating your own reality.
Change: from thoughts to action
Thoughts about positive change, such as when we are writing out our New Year’s resolutions, usually brings about a good feeling. It’s a process that can almost be described as ‘romantic’, generating – at least at first – feelings of ‘heady’ anticipation.
The problem comes when we get to the point where we need to take the actions required to bring about the change we so badly want. That’s when most of us fall prey to ‘worst fears’ thinking.
Worst fears
Here\’s an example of the typical kind of thought process I\’m talking about:
“Oh boy, what was I thinking about when I made the resolution to resign from my job and start my own business? The economy is terrible and people are really battling out there. I could end up squandering my entire life’s savings on a complete flop! Who would want to employ me again after that? I could be stuck for months or even years with no income. My family would see me as a failure and I\’d probably sink into depression. Ughh … it\’s all just too horrible to contemplate! I guess I should climb back down to earth and just learn to live with this boring old job after all.\”
Contemplating the worst is a programmed response to the prospect of embarking on a major change. You could look at it as a form of inbuilt \’protection mechanism\’.
Protector … or ball and chain?
Your ego is there to protect your external identity or how you appear to the external world. The ego\’s worst fear is a loss of face or status and its mission is to preserve your appearance at all costs. So change is the ego\’s sworn enemy.
On the other hand our authentic inner beings crave continual growth and development and for this to happen, change is essential and to be welcomed.
A mighty tussle
So you can see that the prospect of change evokes a mighty tussle between the ego and the inner being.
It takes great courage to follow the voice of the inner being and ignore the ego\’s siren calls. With our lives in the modern day being so externally focused, it is far easier and more convenient to simply ignore the inner voice in favour of the ego.
Frustration and discontent
The result, though, is a build up of frustration and discontent at a deep level. But we learn to tolerate this in order not to disrupt our daily routines, which we misguidedly see as a necessary evil to survive in a tough world!
And guess what?
When a break in the routine finally comes and we find a little time to breathe out and reflect on what our inner voices have been telling us all along, the next New Year\’s resolution gets conceived!
A vicious cycle
Can you see how New Year\’s resolutions become part of a vicious cycle?
I invite you to think about this in your quest to make this year a truly different … and better one!
Please return next week for part 2 of this article 🙂
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Thank you Bill,
I loved the Og Mandino comment. I guess the important thing is to learn from your mistakes so as not to make them again!. And look for the correct advice from people in the know. In the case of business reputable accountants or experienced trusted people who have been there and done it (mistakes and all). And then just (excuse the Nike cliche) just do it!.
Hi Bill
Can I share this story with you?
I have two close friends both in their mid fifties. They tried to make a go of their own business many years ago and it failed they lost virtually all their life savings. They had to begin again and have both got jobs and are still paying off the debts left by the business. Both agree they didn’t have the right skills for the business at the time.
Now the female in the relationship is writing out her goals , visualizing and taking small steps towards her dream. She feels ready to try her hand at self employment again and has made that her new years resolution . However the experiences of a failed business and losing everything is making her very cautious . Her partner is saying if it didn’t work she may struggle to get a job as she is mid fifties. As her friend whats the best advice I can give her as I find it hard as her friend to coach her . Usually friends don’t listen!
Any comments graciously received.
Thanks
Annette
Hi Annette. It’s very difficult to comment on the ‘failure’ of their business, not knowing anything about it, the people or the circumstances concerned. Perhaps the timing was poor, perhaps the skills were a poor fit, perhaps the business plan was ill conceived or perhaps the execution wasn’t right?
Whatever the reason was for it not working out, the fact is that the intention cannot be faulted. Here were two people with the courage to take the action to follow their dream. After all, what point is there in having goals and dreams if we don’t go after them?
I would encourage your friends to try to form a new perspective on the business experience. Rather than see it as a ‘failure’, ask them to think deeply about how the experience was a success in helping them grow and develop as individuals? In what ways are they better positioned to achieve their goals and dreams now than they were before this experience? How can they build on this experience and the learnings to achieve what it is they want from life? What should they do differently to make the next experience even better?
I was once into stock market trading. I lost a lot of money when I bought into an ‘auto trade’ programme that promised easy money. As I look back on that (once painful) experience, I can now appreciate how important it was to me. It taught me two very important things: 1) never to hand over responsibility for my own success to someone else and 2) that trading was a poor fit for me as I value the win-win philosophy towards life whereas trading is essentially a zero sum game (for each winner there is a loser).
If your friends are still able to visualise their dream with sufficient clarity you should suggest they ‘pick themselves up, dust off their helmets and get back on their bikes’. The destination is still clear. The route may have to change a bit!
Hi Bill
That sounds very much like good advice to me. Yes I realise its difficult for you to comment on their particular business and what didn’t work. To cut it short from the discussions I have had with them.Her partner was made redundant and thought he had the skills to run his own business and and my friend thought he did too and put her faith in him. Clearly neither had the skills or a business plan to make it work. Although it left a nasty taste in their mouth I agree they had the courage to follow their lifelong dream.
I had a similar business experience too Bill . I had doubts at the time and things that didn’t add up I ignored , my intuition was warning me and I didn’t listen to it. I have learned from that and won’t make the same mistake again for sure.
I have grown as a result and learned more business skills over the years . I am pursuing my own dream of being a published author and am lucky enough to be coaching as part of my current employment.
I too am in my mid fifties and rather than let age hold me back and use it as an excuse I live fully for my dreams and passions and fully intend to keep doing this.
Its that old fear of failure isn’t it that holds us back in life if we chooses to listen to it?
Annette
Hi Bill true indeed sometime over planning impede me to act my Resolution This year I have set goals by months this includes the ones of my husband so that i don’t waste time on one project in order to make this year a better thanks Bill can’t wait for next week stay blessed
loved your opening quote from Og Mandino
How elated I am to be 4 days away from leaving the dark cocoon of the Corporate world to playfully spread my wings by launching my own business. How sweet the idea of being in charge of my own destiny tastes. It is so worthwhile to courageously take “the road less travelled”. The tussle is finally over. There will be no turning back!
This is courageous on your part Karen and though you will no doubt encounter challenges along the way, you should always reflect back on how you have added a new dimension to your life by grasping an opportunity like this. Good luck!
Hello Karen
Congratulations! And Kawaububga-a-a-a (in good Jumanji-style)!
Although my timings are a bit different, I also just started a new business.
If you feel like wanting to share with someone who faces similar challenges and victories at the moment, please do not hesitate.
Work free, live free … and all of that in love and light.
William
Thank you Bill, the timing is indeed appropriate. Resolutions are often about the WHAT- part of that desire to manifest positive change. The people whom I know that have been successful in their New year’s resolutions however, included the WHEN and HOW parts and followed up. This action appears to be the necessary momentum to help prevent one from contemplating the worst.
Indeed Arjan. It is not simply enough to visualise the end state required. It is essential to take steps in the direction of achieving it (even if we start with baby steps).